Disabled people of Reddit, what things do well-intentioned people do that frustrate you?

1. This is probably not quite what you meant but: I have cancer, and you'd never know it by looking at me. I have terrible back and knee problems from the chemo, but I have all my hair and generally look really healthy. The well-intentioned here is when they try to toss me out of priority seating, physically block me from using priority seating, angrily snap their fingers in front of my face and then point at the "priority seating" seating sign because they think they're a bus vigilante who keeps a lazy millennial like me from keeping priority seats from people they judge more deserving
   — Kamikazemandias


2. When someone says “I can’t imagine being sick like you. I think I’d kill myself” It’s just so belittling. Yes, I’m sick, but life can still have joy and meaning despite that. Also when I’m told that I should “go off my meds/try this vitamin/try my MLM supplement/essential oils/yoga/ coffee enemas etc etc...” I’ve been dealing with this for my whole life. Don’t you think I’ve tried that by now? I know these people usually mean well, but I get so worn out with hearing peoples suggestions. I often get asked “have they figured out what’s going on yet?” Which is odd, considering I’ve now been diagnosed for about a year, and anyone I see often knows. I think it’s their way of asking “have they found a cure/treatment?” While well meaning, and I appreciate it, it often leaves me with a heavy heart because I never have a positive answer for them. I try to put a positive spin on my response, but it can be draining.
   — TassieM


3. Tell me that "it must be nice" not working, or that "at least you got some good years before this all happened!" I would love to be able to work and raise my family out of poverty, and thinking about the time before my body gave up just makes me miss it and hate myself for not doing more.
   — taoshka






4. When I talk to people about my disabilities who then say "I'll never complain about my health issues again". Because they feel like my problems are worse. I know they mean well, like trying to say it's bad, they feel sorry for me, ect. But I wish people understood that my issues do not invalidate their problems. You still have all the right to complain, to be frustrated even for something as simple as a cold. It sucks to be sick no matter what, no matter who you are.
   — cheap_dopamine_hit


5. Not me but my sister. She's blind and mentally handicapped. She's a sweetheart with a perfect memory, but mentally she's essentially a 4 year old who will parrot back to you what ever you say to her. (Name) do you like pillows? Pillow haha. Do you want to give me five? Give me five. Well, at the time, I was a 10/12 year old boy, and I helped my single mom take care of her. My sister's brand new teacher at the school for the blind started asking her questions about rape. (We later found this out) She started saying really wierd things at home and we start getting worried. Later my mom gets a call from the police that her brand new teacher has accused me of raping my mentally handicap sister. I never felt so much shame and sadness as when my own mother asked me if I had. My mother was pressured by the authorities and my sister was forced to have a obgyn rule out rape. They found nothing. I remember she cried all night after. It was just some lady projecting into my poor sister her own imagination. I recall my sister who's whole life revolved around school started crying when we would send her to school. She didn't like school for a long time after that. I feel sad to this day that they put her through that so needlessly. Get to know people before jumping to conclusions about them or about their disability.
   — Velsca


6. As someone with learning disabilities it would be when people make comments like "Wow. I'm surprised you can even read" or "Isn't it amazing you can write?" for crying out loud people not everyone with learning disabilities is unable to read or write. You aren't complimenting me. You're insulting me.
   — starlit_moon






7. For me, it has to be when people tell me that I'm "brave" or an "inspiration", or just assume that I'm some incredibly amazing person, before they have even learned my name. As flattering as it seems, they don't know me, and it just feels like they don't see me as a fully realised person with flaws and vices like anyone else. I've had dwarfism my whole life, so I've had a whole life to get used to it. It's not a constant battle that I struggle with - I rarely even think about it. I appreciate where people are coming from, and I've found myself thinking that way when it comes to other disabled people, but it's not humanising the person. Get to know them before you make that judgement on their character. I'm just out buying some eggs to make an absurd amount of pancakes, lady, that doesn't make me a saint.
   — ghiscari_


8. 'You're too/so young!' Bite me. Im 29 use a cane, can't walk most days from a annular tear/stenosis/sciatica and I hobble everywhere when I do walk. Or demanding my medical history as to what I've tried to fix my issue. You don't need to know I've taken more pain meds than Tommy Lee during the worst parts of my injury.
   — Opossumlyinsane


9. Frame me as somehow inspirational for doing normal things like going to the shop, and PUSH MY WHEELCHAIR WITHOUT ASKING. Best one was some dude comes up behind me, pushes my chair \- which doesn't have handles \- whilst saying 'it's nice to go fast sometimes' .. the fuck?
   — cripple2493