What's the funniest substitute curse word you've heard someone use ?

1. The TV version of Big Lebowski. Actual line "You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?!" TV version "See what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?!"
   — selfishmacaw


2. The maintenance guy at my apartment complex got in trouble for swearing around renters, so he started trying to quit. When I called him over about a plumbing issue, he got pissed and called my sink a "waffle-flipping dingleberry".
   — captainmagictrousers


3. My soccer coach refused to swear. We got some questionable substitutes. He once yelled "THAT WAS A FLUFFERPOOFLE GOAL!" over an attack he thought was offside.
   — comeclosertome






4. I had a student who used "Shiver me timbers" in lieu of *fuck.* Something bad happens, "Shiver me timbers!" Some one is being an asshole "You shiver me timbering idiot." To say "I'm fucked" he says "My timbers are totally shivered."
   — SalemScout


5. I liked how they used “cuss” in Fantastic Mr Fox. “Why the cuss didn’t I listen to my lawyer” “Oh my cuss!” “This is going to be a complete clustercuss for everybody” I use the word clustercuss as often as I can manage. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJP31ZiUgeM
   — Hylian-Loach


6. I work at Starbucks and instead of "fuck" my boss says "frap" It's equally funny and cringe-worthy.
   — TheNightmanCometh_






7. The Good Place has got me saying "Motherforker!" a lot.
   — ApricotPickles


8. My Dad says "Judas Priest!" instead of "Jesus Christ!"
   — magzillas


9. My math teacher says "Son of a biscuit" instead of son of a bitch. Like two days ago, he moved weirdly and said, "son of a biscuit i just punched myself in the balls"
   — _nooU






10. Farging bastage. Cork sucker. Ice hole.
    — DrMux


11. My girlfriend hit me with "I don't give a flying hoot" the other day and I lost it.
    — TheSleepiestWarrior