What was the worst "why the f*** did I say that" moment?

I am a waiter. I try to hold the door open for every guest I wait on as they leave. One time I was holding the door for 3 women I had just waited on. One being an elderly lady, and using a walker. As she is waking towards me she says, "Thank you honey for getting me so full, and being so good to me." Before I tell you my response I will try and justify it by saying if you work in customer service you know we have a mental catalog of phrases we use in certain situations. Well, I turned to the wrong page and said, " No problem ma'am. So full you can barely walk, huh?" All 3 women looked at me in disgust. The elderly lady's walk got much faster as one hugged her in consolation. The other lady, I'm assuming her daughter, said to me, " She is 89 years old thank you. We are very proud of her." I began to try and explain myself, but she wasn't having it and walks away.
— Bam_Bam_Boone

Buying a motorbike in 2009. I wanted to haggle. My first offer was the full asking price.
— EmperorOfNipples

I was interviewing for my first job, I was probably 15-16 and nervous as hell. It was a job bussing tables and washing dishes at the golf club/catering area. During the interview, the interviewer asked, "are you punctual?" I replied with, "I think you can tell from my appearance that I'm not punk at all, and I don't really like that kind of music." Next question, "are you frequently on time to appointments?" And I answered normally, thinking it was just the next question...
— rhcpbassist234

Was at the liquor store a while back, making small talk with the cashier during checkout. Dude is telling me about how one of his friends got hit by a car down the street a few nights ago - no major injuries were sustained, but they still got hospitalized and freaked everyone out. My response? "Haha dang, well maybe you should have less friends!" My ears started burning immediately and he kind of lets his voice trail off while finishing up the transaction. I later called the place, asked to speak to him, and apologized profusely for saying such a stupid thing. He was laughing about it, thankfully, but agreed that it was out of left field and that he had no idea how to respond. Good times.
— aman1420

In 5th grade we were at an assembly where they told a story and would hold up cards for the audience to yell. When they held the card that said "GASP" everyone gasped while I screamed the word gasp as loud as I have ever screamed anything in my life.
— larksideoftheloon

My wife walked in on a burglar in our living room earlier this month (she's fine, he ran away and didn't get anything or hurt anyone). When she saw him there she screamed "Fucking excuse me!" For days after the event she's been like "Why was I polite???"
— Circleseven

My wife and I were having dinner with my her boss (B) and B's husband and new baby. The baby had a loose pocket of skin on her head. My wife had mentioned it before, so I was aware but not really thinking about it. I couldn't see it at the angle that the baby was being held at. B moved the baby to hold her with the other arm, and I saw it move. It was like a large, fleshy blister. It covered half of the back of her head and was partially full of fluid. As the baby was moved, it sloshed. I quietly exclaimed, "That baby needs a hat!" B shot daggers out of her eyes at me while her husband suppressed a laugh.
— Nesman64

Seven years ago, as I was working event staff security, it was my responsibility to make sure the drunk people were standing by, in position for their shuttle busses after a baseball game. I saw these two friends, one was holding up the other. As I walked by, I heard the one say "shhh c'mon! Bus is almost here." To which the other responded, in what I thought was a sarcastic tone "OOOOHH the bus." I chuckled and commented I remembered my first beer! turns out the one helping other the other was the father, taking care of his son that had had a traumatic brain injury 2 years earlier. I apologized profusely, but still feel like shit.
— damnit_bemo

Do you remember that one episode of Spongebob where Squidward is in a talent show and no one will clap for him, but then when Spongebob comes out to mop the floor, everyone cheers? Well one time in college, I was at “Mr. (My College)”, and after one of the acts, this tiny nerdy guy came out to mop the stage because there was spilled water or something, and I screamed “Yeah! Go Spongebob” and the auditorium went silent. And everyone around me turned and stared. I left shortly after. Edit: a word
— SarahSparrow16

So I was at a group fitness class and the instructor was known for having weird excercises like bending and swinging one of your arms in a circle and calling it "making soup". He gets really into and asks the class what soup they were making-chicken soup! tomato soup! He asked me and I panicked and said water.
— cereal_is_real

An ex was explaining she was self-conscious about something, and it was slightly odd, and I intended to say something reassuring and comforting. What I actually said was "That's strange, of all the things you could be self conscious about" her face dropped and I realised immediately what I said and unsuccessfully tried to backtrack. Edit: fixed a couple of words
— phantastic_meh

I was a math tutor for grade school kids at a franchise place. One day a middle school aged girl came in several hours after the time she usually does (we didn't do appointments, the kids usually followed routines though). So I asked why she was coming in later than usual just making small talk and she said she went to her grandmother's funeral that morning. So I said "well, at least that's better than doing math on a Saturday!", trying to joke around. She kind of sheepishly faked a smile and I immediately realized I'm a fucking idiot and walked away instead of apologizing. I just didn't speak to her again for a while. Because I'm an idiot.
— IHadACatOnce

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