What 'old people' thing do your parents do which drives you crazy?

1. I don't know if it's an "old person" thing or just a "mom" thing, but my mom has developed this habit of giving me way too many options of things even when I don't need them. For example, I recently visited home and it was cold, and I didn't have a hat. This was our conversation: "This hat doesn't fit me or your dad, you can take this one." "Ok, I'll wear this one, thanks." "There's also some more hats in the closet that I can get out for you if you don't like that one." "No, I'm good, I'll wear this one." "There's a really cute hat that I think is in the closet in your sister's old room. I'll go up and get it and you can see if you like it more than that one." "No, I'll wear this hat." "I have a big box of hats in the garage, too, I can go get that and you can look through it." "No, I'll wear this hat, it's a fine hat, I like this hat, I'll wear it." "Or we could run over to Target and see if they have any nice hats." ...
   — IAmAeruginosa


2. I’m the only person in the house that can reset wifi or turn on Netflix on the TV. I’ve shown the other 3 adults SEVERAL TIMES.
   — killmeleatherface


3. My dad does the old person tech support thing, but he ARGUES with me about it. I have to re-teach this guy how to use email attachments three times a month and he wants to tell me how I should be updating the drivers on his janky-ass laptop, because god forbid he ever for one second not be the highest authority on all forms of knowledge. I've instituted a rule that I won't so much as touch his computer unless he leaves the room first. Also the thing where he keeps telling my kid brother to apply for jobs by turning up in person with a paper copy of his resume and refusing to leave until he can give it to a manager.
   — brickberry






4. Every time I pick up my dad's iPhone he has Bluetooth, do not disturb, and sometimes airplane mode activated. I always ask him why they're on and he always says "I didn't touch those" How?
   — CGY-SS


5. Presses keys and TOUCHSCREENS with the same force that was apparently required to activate giant soviet-era buttons and levers.
   — effieokay


6. How I tell a story: "I was at the supermarket at 3 AM and this guy just passed out. There was no one else in the store, including other employees it seemed, so I wound up holding him for like five minutes while he cried and slowly revived. It was weird." How my mother tells a story: "So, funny story! Don't judge me, but I was at the Loblaws, you know, the one by the McDonald's that always has the garden market in the summer? The 24 hour one? Well I was just about to go to bed, it must have been Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday... no, Monday, I remember, it was the day my sister called me and told me about her dog being in palliative care. I know! Sally's such a good girl! Anyway, I was just about to go to bed on WenesMONDAY, it was Monday, but I noticed I had just a sliver of mouthwash left. I mean, there's your dad's mouthwash, but he gets the one with the alcohol in it and it always makes my mouth burn. I still had my pants on and I figured, you know, it's three in the morning, the drive isn't going to be so bad, right? It gets really bad at that intersection around rush hour. So I get in the Honda and drive over - it was okay, maybe two other cars on the road, must have needed mouthwash - and drive over to the 24 hour Loblaws. I figured that while I was there I might as well get some other things, orange juice and toilet paper, you know your father and toilet paper. So I was right in the toilet paper aisle, you know they have this big display with the good chocolates there now, and there was this other man kind of leaning on the shelves. He was tall, with blonde sandy hair and really sunken eyes. I thought here's a man who needs a good multivitamin. I was just about ready to recommend my nutritionist, you know Dr. Yu, you should see him someday, when BAM! He just leans right over and passes out! Now I don't expect there to be a lot of people at the Loblaws at 3 AM on a Monday, but there was no one else in sight! Not a shopper, not an employee - no, not even Tanya, and you know how she likes to pick up extra shifts now that the baby's on the way. You should call her! So I'm looking down at him, still with the toilet paper in my hand, and he's kind of shaking, just like this, you know, look at my hands, JUST like this! So I know it's been seven years and six months since I took that First Aid certificate, but I still remember the relevant parts so I marched right up and made sure he was okay and still breathing. I only managed to text Molly and Tanya and your dad before he started, you know, stirring, moving around. He just curled right up against me like a scared little puppy, just like Sally used to do when you had a Rice Krispie treat in your pocket, I'm going to miss her, she's such a good dog. Anyway, this guy starts kind of leaning up against me. He's whimpering and calling for his mom, absolutely harmless, and he's got a good hold on my bad ankle - you know, the one I bruised at the ski lodge last winter when that kid just flew out in front of me? They should put up signs, anyway - so I can't really get away. I wind up staying with him for six and a half minutes before one of the night kids, Jeremy, gets to me and gets him some guava juice. I got 50% off the toilet paper! Anyway, his name's Tim, and guess who just added me on Facebook?"
   — mus_maximus






7. I love my mom to death. That being said, I lived overseas for 7 years and Skype was our main form of communication. Here's my favorite moments (keep in mind she's 70 this year and never got the hang of it all 7 years prior) : "Is the camera on?" (Up to her ear if on cellphone) "Mom, I can't hear you. Did you mute it?" *starts talking* "yes mom you muted it. Hit the microphone button so I can hear you." *continues to keep talking without hitting the button* "I'm going to hang up and call back." I do this and am greeted with "WHY DID YOU HANG UP?!" (On her laptop with the camera angled to the ceiling) "mom, aim the camera at you please." *aims It more at the ceiling* "nevermind just talk." PS she also called it *The* Skype...
   — M16andKnockedUp


8. My mom ALWAYS puts her phone on speaker phone. Even in public, she uses speaker phone.
   — bdguy355


9. My mom calls every electronic in their house "the machine". Computer, printer, router, modem, tv, radio, iPad, vacuum... everything is "the machine". She tells me "the machine is broken" "what is?" "The machine! It won't turn on! Has it been hacked?" "The computer?" "No the modem" ... the wifi router was unplugged She also does this on tech support calls. I feel so bad for them.
   — beerandpancakes






10. Dad STILL continues to sign his name on the bottom of each Facebook post. steals-from-kids
    — steals-from-kids


11. Insisting they don't have hearing issues, yet they turn the TV volume up yo 276 and shout at me when I try to turn it down.
    — meteoritee


12. Talks super loud into the phone as if she's talking into a fast-food speaker in 1980. If the phone has bad reception she talks louder. It's not that I can't hear, it's that I'm only receiving one tenth of the words you're saying. And I'm receiving them very loudly!
    — effieokay