People who have personally survived cancer, what was the worst part you experienced between diagnosis and remission?

1. I am currently going through the 1st re-occurrence of my Brain Tumor, I’m 33 ( diagnosed 2015). So far the worst part has not been: crani, needles, labs, radiation, chemo (still undergoing), hair loss, or doctors. It’s been the unknown… and not the ‘how long do I got’ unknown. My mind will eventually evolve into complete absurdity. One day I will wake not knowing who my beautiful wife is, or recognize the playfulness of my own dog. I fall asleep every night knowing that when I wake up somebody else might end up being me. *** EDIT *** Wow... I truly didn't see this growing into this... I should have known better. I'm already more emotional than I have ever been before, but seeing the overall consensus of well being and wishful thoughts have made me even more thankful. Thank you everyone. Happy Holidays. Happy New Year. Cherish your loved ones. Thank you for the gold.... Seriously, I wholeheartedly appreciate it.
   — thekgentleman


2. Surgery, chemo, and radiation all sucked but the waiting after each test post treatment to see if the cancer had returned was the worst. That fear never goes away.
   — courtneymclellan


3. Definitely the initial shock and the mental aspect of it. You kind of drown it out at first but you snap right out of the fog when a Dr. tells you your form of cancer does not respond to radiation and there is a 50% success rate post surgery. That scene from 50/50 where Joseph Gordon Levitt bawls in the car the night before his surgery was me. That panic was so realistic and that scene still hits me. I'm very thankful I was on the right side of that coin flip and can say 9 years later I am still cancer free. Fuck cancer
   — AllYourShenanigans






4. The entire thing was a blur from the time I observed the tumor on my tongue and did the research and realized what was going on. I made it into my doctor a few days later, was sent to an otolaryngologist the next day, and scheduled for surgery the following Monday. The worst part prior to the surgery was my wife in tears thinking this would spread or already had and that I'd be dead only two or three years into our marriage. Or maybe the worst part was looking at the survival rates on the CDC website - it suggested about a 50% chance of making it 5 years.. But then again, most people who get these tumors are in their 60s or 70s.. The worst part after was probably the trip to the radiation therapy clinic - at first it seemed cool, they give you a bathrobe to keep, snacks, and do their best to make you comfortable. I filled out all the paperwork and was optimistic. But as I finished it I heard the anguished moan of another patient. As it turned out, the PET scan and everything else looked clear - the 'margins of the recess' were clear and then the only bad part was periodically checking in with my otolaryngologist for the next five years and having him stick his fingers in my mouth and probe my neck. Supposedly I'm as likely as anyone else to have that form of cancer again, but my wife worries. A new doctor felt lumps in my thyroid several weeks ago requiring an ultrasound -- but all was good. My wife is still shaken up by everything to this day. I was 29 then and I just turned 40 now. I never did get that bathrobe. In hindsight that is the worst part now.
   — cakwestwide


5. Diagnosed with testicular cancer 3 weeks ago today, already had to get one of my balls removed. Now I'm going into chemo for a couple months. Stage 2, looks to be developing lymphoma. The worst part is probably that I might go sterile after this. I'm only 22, my parents are in the midst of a messy divorce and it costs 640 initially to store sperm and 200 each month after that. Not to mention I was working 30 hours a week and going to school full time. Part of my chemo treatment is 4-5 hours of chemo mon-fri every third week, and once a week in between. I have to maintain 12 credits if I want to keep doing research in quantum computing. But I can't work at because they need people in the small team (4 guys support call area for school). So financially I'm good with insurance but what about rent? Eating healthy? Staying active and not going insane trapped in the house? I used to live a healthy and high paced life style. The hardest part is putting everything on hold for 3 months for treatment in which I might not recover. I'm in good spirits and curative treatments have high success rates. But damn my life is getting all jacked up now. Shows how easy humans can get thrown astray. Sorry for the novel. Venting.
   — kidfitzz


6. I was 17 when I was diagnosed and therefore still places in a children's hospital. Knowing and seeing those young kids and then finding out their rooms were empty because they had died was devastating. Survivor's guilt haunted me for a long time.
   — CharliDefinney






7. Hyperawareness of my own and my loved ones mortality at age 18. I have never let go of the overwhelming feeling of vulnerability and the looming threat of inevitable death, and it still affects decision making on a daily basis. In remission nearly 5 years now.
   — jiger2


8. The worst part of my cancer was the effect it had on my wife and children.I brought a black cloud into my home,one I’ll never be truly rid of.
   — 3d_ist


9. Colon cancer in 2005. Spent a truly horrible summer being mis-diagnosed at various emergency rooms. Finally had a doctor spot the bad symptoms, then there was a mad rush to get a scope, then off to a surgeon to schedule the colon re-section. All of that was mostly a blur. My single worst moment - where I actually cried - was getting the line put into my arm for the 6 months of chemo I was about to endure. It somehow made it even more real than the dozens of staple stitches in my stomach. It's been 12 years now. Yay for me. Yay for my doctors. Yay for Canadian health care.
   — MrsYoungie






10. There are a lot of shitty things. But for me it was the psychological toll it takes on you. If anyone going through it wants to talk just PM me.
    — RetainedByLucifer


11. I was diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer at the age of 18. Actually around this time 2016. After a year of treatments, mostly chemo, I'm finally beating it. The worst part for me, was the psychological toll. I never would have been able to go through this without my family's help. My stepmom took care of me throughout the entire time. Coming into my room at 5 AM because I couldn't sit up in bed because it hurt so much. Coming to my appointments 2 hours away. Doing all the research on the cancer. As I was saying, the psychological toll sucks. I lost a ton of weight and with that, self confidence. I was looking like a holocaust survivor. I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I was quickly diagnosed with depression. I started seeing a psychologist, that helped. He was the only one I was totally honest with. Cancers a bitch. Don't do it alone. Find someone who KNOWS what you're going through. Everyone will say they understand and be helpful, but you need someone with a history. Mine was a friend I met while in the military. I'll be that guy, but try to get someone you know personally. PM me anytime you need help. I'm try my best
    — babyfacelaue


12. Stage 3 Rectal Cancer. I’m out of work for a year while I’m in treatment (abdominal surgery is a huge thing to recover from and they couldn’t start chemo until I was fully healed). Surgery in May. Started 8 weeks of chemo at end of July. Was hospitalized for intractable vomiting and pain with each infusion. Am now halfway through radiation with chemo that’s every weekday. After I recover from this, I have 8 weeks of chemo. With my immune system becoming so compromised from the chemo the first time around, I’m prepared for the worst. What sucks is the financial drain on my family. We rely on every penny that comes in the door as we live in an expensive area. There’s no way I can work while in treatment. I’ve thought about it and it’s just not possible. That means my poor brother, who’s a full time musician, has to come up with the entire rent each month. He’s cobbled together six different ongoing gigs and it’s a huge drain. He’s always running from one gig to the next. And then my daughter gets to do all the make-up housework that I don’t have the energy to do. It’s especially bad when I have a humiliating ostomy bag failure. I have an ileostomy, so it’s output is very...liquid. I’ve had to leave events early because the adhesive suddenly failed on me and my clothes were a disgusting mess. Guess who gets to do the laundry? And that stuff is considered a toxic substance because of the chemo. Ugh. I can hardly wait to be in remission. I want to tend to my garden, which is suffering. I want to work and have money again. I want to not feel like crap every day of my life. I don’t want to die.
    — SassafrassPudding






13. Girls, pay attention. Im 23 and noticed my period pain was more intense than usual, this went on for 3 more months, since it wasnt unbearable I ignored it, then my period came a week early twice, I went for a check up and they found a tumor. Even my doctor didnt think it was ovarian cancer due to my age, she left it there for 3 more months cause she thought it was benign. Another check up, it grew a lot. She decided to take it out with surgery. A week later the lab results came in and it was cancer, stage 2. She took it out but Im going through 6 rounds of chemo, currently on round 2. Even the slightlest change in your body can be a sign do NOT ignore any change. No matter how insignificant it can be. If I would've listened to the first or gotten a second opinion maybe I wouldnt have needed chemo at all. And chemo is by far the worst experience of my life. Edit: spelling
    — Vanilla001