Policemen of reddit, what's the dumbest way a criminal tried to get away from you?

1. Had a friend in college who tried to run away from a bicycle cop, thinking that if he went down some stairs on the side of a hill the cop couldn't chase him. He found out that apparently bike cops just dream of someone doing that, so they can take that sweet police bike offroad and perform the flying-tackle-off-a-moving-bike that they have practiced. My friend ended up with a broken arm and had to go to court, could have just had a ticket for public drunkenness.
   — jseego


2. Nearly every foot pursuit I've had has been stopped by flora. I don't know what I've done that made mother nature owe me one, but every time I've chased someone I've ended up pulling them out of a bush. One guy I had for DUI took of in the middle of field sobriety tests and ran straight into a thorn bush. Instead of going in after him, I just waited patiently while he freed himself, at which point he just walked over to me and put his hands behind his back.
   — Revenant10-15


3. Had a guy with a warrant for CDS and burglary give me his brothers name. Guess he forgot we went to school together since kindergarten.
   — thepoochman






4. My colleague was about to start the process of writing a ticket and the guy suddenly starts sprinting away, ditching his backpack, hat and coat. Thing is, we were stood outside his address, we still had his driving license, and his car was still running. He made it one mile down the road, before trying to jump a garden fence, failing, bringing the fence down and knocking himself unconscious. Talk about dramatic.
   — unrulycode


5. I think I've told this before. Guy robbed a store and ran with cops right behind. So he runs into a cemetery where we were burying a family member. Well respected, known to all, police officer for twenty five years, volunteer fireman for 40. The gravesite was full of first responders in full dress uniform, police cars and fire trucks with lights flashing and this guy runs straight in. Tackled to the ground right in front of my husbands elderly great grandmother who summed it up perfectly. "Dumbass". Edit to add, thank you for the gold. Great gran was an amazing woman, lived through it all, and was very blunt but loving to us all. The world became less great last year. And to anyone scrolling my history, it's not the same person we cut contact with.
   — Jgpm2c


6. I was working Oktoberfest with another MP, driving around in a golf cart making sure no one got out of hand. We notice one guy in particular who has all the signs. Yelling, aggressive, spilling beer (you have to be pretty drunk to spill a $7 beer). So we start driving over to make sure someone in his group can keep control over him. He sees us coming and takes off running. The entire event is surrounded by a 10 foot chain link fence. There are 2 openings, the main entrance/exit in the front and a staff entrance on one side. He starts running for the staff entrance. We drive behind him, but start to notice he's not quite headed for the giant opening in the fence. Instead, he ends up about 6 feet to the right of it and just starts climbing the fence. We just rolled through the opening and waited for him to drop on the other side. That was the easy part, though. The hard part was getting the cuffs on the fucker. It took 3 grown men. We found out later he was a state champion wrestler in high school.
   — RichardBachman






7. Back in the '90's there was a fashion for trainers that had red lights in the sole/heel that lit up with every step. One night we had a call to a burglary and the lad doing the burgling was wearing these trainers. He ran off across some nearby wasteland, helpfully signalling every step..................................................
   — GridDown3


8. Kid had fled into a treeline, trying to hide with a boombox. Kid couldnt find the volume switch so sat in 50sqft of woods with music blaring. To be fair to me it was getting dark
   — Artist_Unknown


9. Had a guy break into my place of business. He had done it recently, and the police were ready when the call came in. I let them into the building and the guy runs into the (quite small, windowless) bathroom. After a minute or so, one of the cops says, loudly, "Look, Buddy. There are 8 of us out here. We all have guns pointed at the door. You should probably just put your hands up and come out here." Which he did.
   — seeteethree






10. I once had a guy who was wanted for sexually molesting a dog. He tried to hide by escaping onto his roof and laying down face down at night. Problem was he was naked and we just had 10 inches of snow. Edit: I now wish I'd never googled "Reddit + Colby the dog."
    — knowledgekills12


11. Man fails to stop for various driving offences when requested to do so. Eventually goes down a dead end and runs from the vehicle. I chase him down an alley and find him trying to hide in 3 foot deep dustbin (trash can). He was 6’4” tall and when kneeling in the bin had his head and chest poking out looking directly at me. Saw a well known local who was wanted going into his house so shouted to him. He turned, looked and scurried inside his house and locked the door. Whilst shouting “Mark, come and answer I know you are in there”. A fake high pitched voice replied “Mark isn’t here”. I told him how stupid he sounded but he still wouldn’t answer the door. Ended up kicking the door in and breaking the frame. I didn’t know people were this stupid until I did this job!
    — bikeandybike


12. I once had a group of teenagers smashing a tram stop in a city centre. They saw me and ran onto the oncoming tram thinking I couldn't keep up with it and they would be safe. The tram driver saw what they had been doing on approach and once he pulled up just stayed stationary and locked the doors from the cabin once they were inside .... Teenage kids looked white as ghosts when I was stood smiling other side of the door. Parents of said teenagers looked even worse. :)
    — Liam15730






13. I had a frequent flier who was tiny. She'd always hide in places I would never suspect. Once, she curled up inside a clothes basket with clothes on top of her. She was fun to find.
    — Oom_Poppa_Mow_Mow


14. My Aunt is a cop and she tells this story wherever she goes. She had gotten a call about a very drunk man singing in the street with an open bottle of beer. She arrives and sees him standing in the middle of the road. She turns on her lights to signify she is in a police car and he runs for it, or attempts to, he runs to a house on her left and he hits the Mailbox and falls over, he proceeds to get up and then run to the car where he attempts to get in the passanger side. After trying for a couple of seconds he squats down a bit and bangs on the window and says "You have got to help me, there is a cop chasing me and I think they are coming this way." She proceeded to unlock the rear doors and he gets in and then she locks them again and takes him to the precinct. He spent the night in the holding cell and went home with a warning for being disruptive at 3am and being drunk in a public place. Apparently he didn't remember it at all the next morning.
    — CeboMcDebo