Who is "that guy" at your work and what do they do?

1. They snitch on everyone for everything so much that the people above fired them. Good riddance.
   — MrOnePixel


2. I'll call him Larry. He actually wasn't a bad guy, he started to grow on us as time went on, but he had some very odd behaviors. He was related to one of the company's founders, so despite all this, he was never fired, he in fact left the company on his own accord. - Larry watched dirty movies that were strange even by dirty movie standards, using a computer we all used. The movies were usually something to the effect of *Frankenstein's Sex Slave*, *Spermula*, and *Sexy Babes of Auschwitz*. We saw this in the browser history and knew it was him because he was logged into the sites with an account name that was his first and last name. - On breaks, Larry would walk around the parking lot and look in people's cars. Weird enough on it's own, but he would come back in and ask us about things he saw, such as “Hey, I saw you had a book in your back seat, what's it about?" - One time when he was doing this, there was a random woman parked in the lot, sitting in her car, talking on the phone. Larry walked up next to her, and leaned his head next to the window and watched her talking. He was standing on the same side where she was holding her phone, so she didn't see him. He stayed there a minute or two and walked away, and she never knew he did this. - Came in with a profusely bleeding head wound. When asked what happened he shouted "I don't want to talk about it! I said, where is the damn first aid kit?!". We never did find out what happened and nobody asked again, we pretty much accepted that weird things happen to Larry. - He would ask to borrow our phones. When asked why and for how long, he said he would need a phone for the weekend, to call people who may not answer if he called from his own phone. Nobody loaned him a phone. - Larry had a horrible drooling problem, to the point where his drool marks frequently ended up on products which had to be cleaned before being sent to the customer. - The first time Larry went missing, we learned he was in jail but didn’t know what for. We basically all put in our guesses, and they all related to him either committing a sex crime, or being a serial killer. It ended up being a minor alcohol thing and he got out with a slap on the wrist. - The second time Larry went missing, we checked the local jails, then contacted his family, but no word from them. Multiple coworkers tried calling him over the course of a few days. One night, he called back one of those coworkers, Joe, at midnight, asking who called. Joe was pissed off at getting called in the middle of the night, by Larry of all people, and decided to fuck around by saying "This is the police, we are looking for you". Larry said he didn't want to go to prison for anything he did wrong. Joe said he was just an officer checking to see if Larry was okay, and that Larry needed to report back to work if he wanted to stay out of trouble. Larry came back and said he had been on a drinking bender for a few days. I know there’s more. I’ll come back when I remember it. Edit: - Not so much something Larry did, but involving him. Larry asked Mark if Mark could call his phone to test out something. Mark did and Larry got what he needed and walked away. I turned and asked Mark “Did you call him?” “Yeah he was testing something, I was just helping.” “Well now he has your phone number” Mark let out the loudest gasp and made a horrified expression that still makes me laugh when I remember it. Then he calmed down and went “I’ll just block him”. * Larry started cutting his own hair and he was not any good at it. After the first time he did it, I walked in and saw him from the side. I said “Hey Larry, I see a new haircut!” He said “Thanks, I did it myself!”. As he said this, he turned towards me and I saw that the other half of his head looked like a total mess, and it took every ounce of will not to laugh.
   — ghost0427


3. John works out early in the morning and then take baby wipe baths in his open cubicle with his shirt off. John is not small. Ron microwaves fish, which is an executable offense.
   — Unicorncuddletime






4. She keeps talking about her last job as "well, at *my* store". You work *here*, you have for six months. Get over it.
   — Mr_Abe_Froman


5. She spends most of the day either talking about her snatch or complaining about her kids. In the tiny amount of work she actually does, she can't spell anything right and ignores most procedures for contacting clients. On top of that, any time she speaks to her friend who sits across from me, she stands behind me so close her gut pokes my elbow.
   — ClowningMachine


6. I had "that guy" at work who would take advantage of FMLA. He would wonder around for 8 hours doing nothing or call off or go home early for his fake headache/some fake random injury he's had for 5 years. Literally would come in to work and see him once a week and he would always tell me a new excuse for leaving early. Once came in and he had crutches saying he fell moving furniture then the next week he would be better but then would complain about having "memory loss issues" due to his headaches. Now we have a point system for that kind of stuff and if you get too many points then you would get fired. So to avoid those points he would take medical leaves that had to be approved by FMLA if he knew he was about to point out. He would also fake customer compliments to remove points (he ended up getting caught and revoked privileges). Work was trying to fire him for 5+ years and everyone knew he was scum. We knew he would also bum off people and lie about being in relationships with people so he wouldn't look like a loser. Sadly we all knew he was a loser. Finally this year he got caught stealing some candy or a drink and was promptly fired after he confessed to stealing more.
   — Ambyli






7. A refined South East European who's a Technical Architect and wears immaculate expensive tweed suits, a carefully folded silk handkerchief, smokes a traditional pipe and wears his moustache carefully twiddled at the ends.
   — Sell200AprilAt142


8. They talk about 80% of the time they're here. Don't get me wrong, they're working during this time, but it's nonstop and sometimes it isn't even directed at us even though she means to talk to us. She can be in another room where we cannot hear her, and she's talking to us.
   — ImBruceWillis


9. A so called manager who monitors what time I come in every morning, monitors the length of my skirts, constantly cuts me off when I'm talking by sticking his hand in my face and saying "got it...anyway..." and does no work at all, himself. He spends all day on the phone speaking in his own language that no one else in the department speaks, so these are clearly not business calls. I always wonder who he could be talking to all day. His family/friends? So anyways, this guy is awful and I'm currently waiting on results of a second interview to see if I get an offer and then I'm out.
   — kats_on_ice






10. The only type of person I can't stand in an office is the goody two shoes company man/woman. The type of person who polices the office and informs managers when they think people are late, taking long breaks or not in the office without an excuse or whatever. I've worked in office environments for 15 years and it seems like every office has one. Many times they don't even know what they're talking about and it just results in meaningless heat. These people often patrol the office, pretending they are doing something important but making it obvious they are just scoping out where everyone is. They are never managers. They are usually long time employees that have never been promoted. You'll know you're dealing with the office police when you notice them looking right at you out of the corner of your eye while passing by your cube or office 4 or 5 times a day for no reason. When your boss calls you into a meeting and says they've "heard concerns around the office" as if there is a widespread knowledge around the office even though you are kicking ass at work, it's because this one person has taken time out of their day to write an email or have a meeting just to tattle on you. Just this morning the office police carefully leaned into my peripheral vision, not to ask a question or say hello but just to see what time I got in. She thinks she's being slick and is always friendly to my face but if I am 10 minutes late she will mark it down in a spreadsheet somewhere or some shit. Office police love to throw you under the bus to make themselves seem valuable and important.
    — wannabeemperor


11. Been caught sexually harassing women 6 times and still not fired (paperwork and all). No idea what's going on there.
    — samcanplaymusic


12. Sal. He shit in the waste basket in the men's room last thursday because he's a giant douchebag.
    — Lowkey57