What are your roommate horror stories?

1. My old roommate was dating a good friend of mine. One day, after her spending the night, the went out for lunch. His dog came out of his room with a tissue in her mouth, I stopped her, grabbed it and went to throw it out when my hand felt really wet. It was a condom, fully loaded, and when I grabbed it I guess I squeezed it because my hand was now covered in my roommates cum. It's been years and I still haven't told him about it.
   — LadyJane17


2. I had a few roommates when I was living in the dorms my freshman year in college.. They were good people all in all and we had some good times but as with just about every college experience for most of us, there was one guy who liked to drink, *a lot*. One night I came home at like 3 in the morning to find our drunk roommate just standing over one of our other roommate's beds, staring at him awkwardly in this odd walking dead looking stupor. I could tell he was plastered because he was kinda rocking around in silence in the dark.. honestly it was a bit creepy, so I called out to him in a whisper. "Mike..." He turned his head towards me relatively quickly, head bobbing all around, and slowly raised his finger in front of his mouth, and quietly shh'd me like fuckin Elmer Fudd hunting rabbits.... He held his finger there for another few seconds and (nearly incoherently) muttered, "fuck this guy". If you could permit me to quickly paint a picture of what Mike looked like.. and what Rob looked like, you'll understand why this was a really huge problem. They were as polar opposite as you could imagine, in just about every capacity. Mike was a surfer from Los Angeles, shorter, skinnier kid, with long hair and a stoner attitude. Rob on the other hand grew up on a farm and was substantially larger and substantially more fit, than Mike and he never fucked around. Dude was serious, always. Now, Mike must have already had *it* out without me noticing because he was primed and ready to fire without me even realizing what was going on.. All I heard was the sound of water hitting cloth, and that's when I saw it... He had started to pee on Rob, who up until that moment was fast asleep. Rob, waking up to what he thought was just warm water, quickly realized what was happening and proceeded to jump out of bed and grabbed Mike (who was still peeing on him up until this point) and threw him across the room, off the far wall. He looked like a fuckin rag doll bouncing off the wall, hitting the desk below, and then onto the ground. Mike didn't say a word. He stood up, quietly tucked himself in, and proceeded to walk right past Rob, and climb back into his bed. Rob looked at me, looked at our other roommate who was now awake behind me, and looked back at Mike.. all of us had this dumbfounded look on our face except Mike, who was of course within seconds, already starting to quietly snore. I honestly will never forget the sight of Rob standing there in the middle of the room with urine dripping down his face, off his shoulders and down his arms, with this absolute befuddled look on his face, as he tried to process what the fuck just happened. I think it angered him more to hear Mike snoring because he angrily turned to his bed and tried to wake him up by shaking him, violently at first and then hitting him in his back, arms and head.. nothing. Mike was out cold. The rest of the year went as you could imagine. It was an experience.
   — reasonandmadness


3. My roommate for the summer of my freshman year of college was a randomly matched one. He moved in and was kind of nice, but also not very smart and very open about his life. At one point of the semester, he was messing with the girl who lived next door by using the app Yik Yak to pretend to be her, and getting random other guys on campus to come to her room saying they had been offered sexual acts by her. He got three guys to do it before he finally stopped. After the rest of the flood found out how messed up this was, everyone ostracized him and made fun of him. He quickly grew tired of this, and one day there was a party in that same girl's room that he was not invited to. (I wasn't either, but because I didn't really care to hang out with the rest of the floor since I was focused on the calc 2 class I was taking). Those in the party were sending him pictures and videos of them having fun which irritated him more up to the point where he left our room and started banging on their door to confront the people teasing him. One of the girls at the party opened the door, but wouldn't let him in to fight the other kids. He proceeded to punch her in the face and yell at the others, then came back to the room and went to bed. About 10 minutes later, there was a knock at the door and I answered it. It was one of the campus police officers, so I immediately woke him up and said "it's for you." and went back to bed. The next morning he was moving his stuff out and I never saw him again. On the bright side: since he left so early in the semester, I had a room to myself for most of the semester. Pushed the beds together to make myself one huge one and had a king-style suite.
   — balloonninjas






4. One of my former roommates in college bought a $700 tv, a $200 Bluray player, $120 speakers, and a metric fuck ton of snacks for his side of the dorm. He bought all of this with the inheiritance money he recieved from his grandfather's passing. Now, you're probably thinking that that's a bit excessive to buy all that, but it's his money and he can do what he wants with it. Okay. But he bought all this *within the first two weeks of living there*. Long story short, he had to sell/return the tv, speakers, Bluray player, and most of his belongings to support his tuition, and so that he wouldn't starve once his "endless" food supply ran out. Overall he wasn't the worst roommate ever (I've had plenty worse) but what really rubbed me the wrong way was when I was alone one night there was a blackout in our dorm. I was hanging out in the hall talking to the freshman (I was a junior at the time) and we were all shooting the shit. One guy pipes up and says "You're (blank's) roommate, right? You like Final Fantasy 7? I love it." That comment seemed odd, so I asked him how he knew I loved FF7. "Oh, your roommate almost sold me your copy you had on your shelf for $10." This was a mint condition black label copy of the game, which I thankfully still have. It's a rare edition, and I spent good money on it. The dude was really cool about it though, figured out that my roommate hadn't cleared it with me to sell the game and declined. The guy knew this inherently too, because my roommate had built up a less than charming reputation with the girls on campus and he was known as a sneaky fuck to the guys. **TL;Dr:** Had a roommate who used his dead grandfather's money to buy excessive stuff for our dorm room. Ended up selling most of his belongings and (almost) sold my mint copy of FF7 that I had on display.
   — thedevilsdelinquent


5. This happened last week so it's fresh in my mind. I have a housemate that has lived in the house I am sharing for a good seven years or something (edit: this is the length of time that she has lived in the house. I have only moved in recently). She's outlasted countless other housemates during this time. When I agreed to rent the room, I got a super weird vibe from her, but decided to rent it anyway as college started the following week and I was desperate to find a place. Anyway to quickly set the scene, she has always acted incredibly entitled throughout the time I've lived here and she acts like she owns the place (she doesn't and neither does her family). Her stuff is everywhere throughout the place, her parents and grandparents regularly come over without warning and she sits out watching tv every evening denying me and my other housemate the opportunity to use it (to name only a few of her antics). Last week I had been working on an assignment and went to cook later than I usually would at about 8/8.30pm. She usually cooks for hours most nights from this point onwards to 'meal prep' (she eats a lot of food), although we have no verbal agreement that she has exclusive rights to the kitchen from this point onwards. Knowing this I knew that I had to start cooking ASAP before she took over the kitchen and I wouldn't be able to eat. I got out my frying pan and placed it on one of four stove tops. As I did so, she looks at me and booms, "Excuuuse me, but I'M about to start cooking now!" I'm pretty sick of her antics, so I look her dead in the eye and say, "Are you seriously suggesting that I can't use one of four stove tops, to cook dinner in our shared home?" After a long pause and some huffing and puffing she says, "Well I'M using the big burner, as I'M cooking pasta." So was I, but beyond being amusing this didn't bother me as there is an identically sized burner on the other side (she just wanted to claim ownership of the spot I had put my pan on), so I proceeded to cook my dinner. The whole time she acted like it was the rudest thing in the world, for me to expect to be able to cook dinner that night. Throughout the 25 minutes it took me to cook my meal, she continued to verbally sigh and tap away at her phone while glaring at me, undoubtedly complaining about me to her parents or something. To make the situation even more ridiculous, she didn't talk to me the next day/ignored me. Such a weirdo, the end of this semester can't come quickly enough, as I plan to move out ASAP.
   — EvanEvans2ManyEvans


6. Had a roommate freshmen year in a shared room who was training for a bodybuilding competition. He would wake up at 5, make a ton of noise, go for a run, come back at 6, go to the gym, come back and pose in front of the mirror (sometimes in the nude) all while I was clearly awake. He would also go to bed at 8pm and get pissed if any noise was made, the clicking of the keys on my phone once set him off because he needed beauty rest.
   — Doggo_Of_Wisdom






7. I am the horror story...When I drink = I cook.That is why we have rules and a fire extinguisher now
   — MITSF


8. Not so much a nightmare roommate, but I had a ridiculously sheltered and possibly OCD freshman year roommate. In our dorm, the most popular layout of furniture to maximize the space in the room without bunking the beds was putting them in an L shape so that one was against the wall with the window, leaving a nice area of open space to hang out in the center of the room. Her mother decided we were not allowed to do this because one of us might roll over in our sleep and fall out the window to our demise 10 floors below. Mind you, the window was two feet above the level of the bed and bolted shut. Every night before we went to sleep Roomie would lock the door, turn the handle to the right, pull on the door three times, turn left, pull three times, turn right again and pull three times. Every. Single. Night. One day I had just taken out the trash and shortly after thrown out some scrap paper in the bin next to our sink. Roomie went to brush her teeth and accidentally knocked her toothbrush into said bin. Roomie proceeds to call her mother to ask whether she should wash off her toothbrush and use it or throw it away and buy a new. She and her mother discuss the topic for about ten minutes, with Roomie describing the contents of the bin and exactly how long the toothbrush spent in there. Mom apparently then transfers the call to Roomie's dad, and the conversation repeats. After discussing the matter at length it was decided that Roomie should buy a new toothbrush. Nice girl, felt bad for her. Hope she was able to branch out a bit.
   — delightfullysquishy


9. I have many, many stories of my college roommates, but the one that stands out the most was the Shower Incident. My girlfriend and I were renting a house with a female friend who liked to play fast and loose with the term "hygene." From this point on, she'll be known as "the Barista." We were fairly accustomed to the less-than-ideal odors that would waft gently around the Barista, such as when she adopted a diet consisting entirely of hard-boiled eggs, or the Nutmeg Incident. The house we were sharing was built in the 1960s, and we had separate bathrooms. The Barista's bathroom was generally heinous in both smell and appearance, with used tampons and other feminine detritus scattered around. As a result, it took us a while to realize that the smell of raw sewage belching forth from her side of the house was not, in fact, her fault. One day, my girlfriend and I were watching TV while the Barista was at work, and we heard an ominous gurgling noise from her bathroom. Shortly thereafter, we were assaulted by the smell of raw sewage that was so strong it caused my girlfriend (at the time, an autopsy technician) to literally dry heave. Clearly, an investigation had to be mounted, so we made the perilous journey into the Barista's bathroom, stepping cautiously to avoid the used condoms and other keepsakes in her biohazard collection. When we arrived, we discovered that raw, chunky sewage was liberally bubbling up from the drain in the Barista's shower (which was so coated in pubic hair, mold, and stains it looked like a modern art masterpiece). The smell was horrific, and we immediately called the landlady. When the Barista returned home from her shift, she was horrified that the lawn had been torn up to expose the shitty Orangeburg sewer pipes that had been nearly entirely blocked by tree roots. Since the Barista's bathroom was the closest to the sewer main, the backups had been bubbling up in her bathroom for months without the rest of the house being aware. We asked her if she had noticed the issue, and she mentioned that sewage regularly bubbled up from the drain while she was showering (biweekly). Her response? "I just squish it back down with my feet." That was when she got a new nickname: waffle stomp. Waffle Stomp and her moronic family gave us many stories in the year and a half we lived together, and she also introduced us to our second shitty roommate: Statutory Rape Neo-Nazi. I can share more if people are interested. EDIT: More stories posted in the replies!
   — PM_me_gun_questions