Get it off your chest, what's bothering you right now?

1. I gave a presentation in Mandarin in class today and all the kids who were born in China laughed at my errors, to the point where I just stopped halfway through and lost all my confidence. It's been bothering me for the past few hours ¯\_ (ツ) _/¯
   — PearlSquared


2. Dog died unexpectedly today. We knew she’d pass in the next year or so, but didn’t expect today. She had breathing problems in the morning, and after consulting with the vet had to put her to sleep. Still in the “I can’t believe it” phase.
   — PRESS_F_TO_PAY


3. I’m at work and I can’t get focused. I’ve already seen everything interesting on Reddit and I just can’t put my damn phone down and get stuff done. Tell me I’m not the only one here with something more important to be doing.
   — NotRoryWilliams






4. On August 21st I tried to kill myself. I went to a large lake so I could sit in my car and watch the sunrise and then shoot myself. I had the entire park to myself and it was the perfect location, just serene. I smashed my iPhone and tossed it in the trash can in the parking lot so no one could interrupt me, got comfortable in the drivers seat, loaded my gun and watched the sun rise. It was perfect. After thinking about my life I decided to give the gun a few test runs to feel it out. I unloaded it, charged the slide and put it to my temple and slowly pulled the trigger to see how much pressure it'd take. Barely anything. Then I tried inside my mouth pointing towards the roof of my mouth. My temple felt more comfortable but I was worried about twitching or jerking and just blinding myself- so I opted for the inside my mouth shot. I reloaded the gun, screamed in to a hoodie I had in my back seat and had myself a long good cry. Dying alone is one of the most horrifying things a person could ever do. All I wanted to do was miraculously repair my phone and hear someones voice before I ended it. But I couldn't. So I came to terms with the fact I'd never hear another person's voice, the comfort of a familiar laugh or the way my Mom says she loves me. Then I put the gun in my mouth. I had done the dry run I described above at least 20 times and I knew exactly how much pressure it'd take to pull the trigger. But the trigger action felt impossibly long and impossibly harder than my dry runs... and 'click'- nothing happened. I realized, I'm a complete foot... I hadn't chambered a round. I took the gun out of my mouth, charged the slide and RIGHT at that moment a mini-van turned in to the parking lot. I quickly stuffed the gun in the driver side door card and tried to act like I looking for something inside my car. I didn't want them to see what I was doing and try to intervene or report me to the police. The van parked about 5 spaces from me and a family of 4 got out, gathered their random belongings and set out for the lake hiking trails. I realized I couldn't shoot myself here. What if the family came back and the kids saw my body in the car with blood on the windows? How horrifying would that be for them? What about the parents? I couldn't shoot myself here now. My last act as a human being couldn't be terrifying kids and their parents. So I left the lake and drove. I drove 150 miles in one direction on i-95 and then drove 150 miles back. I drove around random towns and cried and played with my gun in at least a dozen parking lots. I thought about my life, my circumstances, happy moments, sad moments, where my life was headed, how I had relocated to a new state only a month and a half prior and I was so lonely I couldn't even begin to explain it in words. At 6 pm the same day I drove to my local gun shop and I sold my handgun. My other handgun (a family heirloom of sorts) I dismantled and mailed back to my father. Every single day since I've thought about why I didn't kill myself that day and I can't come up with a good answer. It wasn't because of that family at the lake. I went to dozens of other places perfect for doing it and I didn't. And I don't know why I didn't. It bothers me every single day, and every single day I put a little distance between myself and August 21st. Today I thought about it a lot and I still am not closer to knowing the answer of why I didn’t go though with it. This is the first time I’ve ever spoken about this. I’ve never even told a friend or family member. Not a soul knows.
   — elloue


5. I feel ridiculously alone. It always feels like the majority of the people in my life don't really care that I'm here, that I'm not anyone's priority. Like, if I don't try to make plans with people, I barely see them anymore. And look, I understand that everyone has their own lives to live and all, but there are days that I feel like it's "Me vs the World", and that the people in my life are both temporary and only there because they need me for something, like professional or academic help, and I'm going to end up alone. And I get that a lot of this is in my head. I'm at a great school working on my MBA full-time, which is also my undergrad alma mater, I've been close with some of my classmates for several years now, and my family has always been ridiculously supportive, but at the same time, I just can't get over this feeling. And just to be clear, this isn't me giving up on life or anything, and I'm hoping it's not permanent, and most people likely won't even read this. I've pushed through it this far, and I'll continue to do so. But when it feels like everyone around me has "perfect" lives, I just get really tired of feeling alone.
   — BostonNewbThrowaway


6. I posted this in the "How will you spending your weekend?", but I really need to get this off my chest right now. It's 3 AM now in my country and I don't think I can sleep tonight. My cat just died. Just now. A motorcycle hit her. 3 hours ago she was fine, she was healthy, she was sitting on my lap and trying to climb on my keyboard to get me to play with her. She was purring. She was loving, soft and warm. But now she is gone. It's so sudden. So sudden, I can't even comprehend. I can't even cry right now. I feel numb. I feel empty. I was planning to go buy my groceries tomorrow. Was going to buy more cat food for her. Now I will spend my weekend crying ( if I can) and mourning instead. [RIP Kitty](https://imgur.com/jcan9ET), thank you for everything. I love you.
   — IOughtToShutUp






7. Had to put my dog down, but couldn't be in the room with him. So I feel guilty not holding his paw or stroking when he was passing away.
   — MrPillock


8. My two best friends are a couple... and now they aren't any more. And I feel like I just watched the whole damn thing crumble despite my efforts to try and help. So this weekend, I'm helping her move out into her own place. It's sad. And it hurts and they are both hurting and I'm trying to be a good friend to them both.
   — VesperCat


9. I'm homeless and I sleep on couches. right now I'm currently paying $300 in rent to my mom to let me sleep on her couch, but my uncle (who owns this place, rents it to my mom for cheap) will be visiting soon and if he finds out I've been here for months he may or may not have a gigantic temper tantrum about it, destroy my stuff, and throw my mom out on the street. My uncle thinks letting anyone over the age of 18 live at home is "enabling". I have a full time job, I work on my feet all week, I just can't afford a place to live and the babyboomers in my life think this is just me making excuses for being a useless lazy leech and burden on them. (actual words) I'm on the list for subsidized housing but the wait is 3 to 5 years and my family thinks this is unacceptable, but there's no way to jump the line on our already overburdened local social services unless they actually throw me onto the street, which they are constantly "joking" about doing. I have one friend who is willing to let me stay with him, but; he has a cocaine problem, lives in a hoard, has talked about wanting me to have his children despite being gay, is taking PREP and wants to bring rando guys home, constantly ranting about but his fucked up childhood, and also refuses to seek treatment. he's a fucking mess and every time I come over to help clean the hoard (which he is mostly paying me to do) things are worse and his personal affect is more scary. all my other friends are in nice cute little marriages in nice cute little houses,and while they are good for acute emergencies and making plans, they aren't people I can lean on for any length of time. I'm also in treatment for depression because I want to die. I know a lot of people have it worse than I do, but this is where I'm at.
   — pencilears






10. Right now? I just ate a 7 inch pizza, chicken wings, a bar of chocolate, cheese balls, some toffees and I'm still really fucking hungry.
    — Hexarchy