What is your one-night-stand horror story?

1. we met at a bar and didn't talk much before he suggested we go back to my place. we did the deed, and afterwards while we were cleaning up and getting dressed, I said to him "that was amazing, we should do this again." to which he replied, "absolutely, let me give you my email address. I don't text because my wife checks my phone."
   — loki8481


2. Back in the 80's, a mate of mine got lucky at a pub and pulled a red hot chick and went back to her place. They did the deed then slept. He woke up early and asked if he could take a quick shower, but she wouldn't answer him, he shook her shoulder and noticed she was quite pale, it was then he realised that she was dead. A brain aneurysm apparently.
   — shitstorm_delux


3. Not a horror story by any stretch of the imagination but the worst was when I bought some condoms that were advertised to help guys last longer - basically they have a mild numbing gel in them and I just couldn't keep it up. Then she went down on me to try and re-enter Boner City and lost feeling in her mouth/tongue. It was more funny than anything but still, no orgasms were had that day as we both decided that it wasn't gonna happen in the little time we had available.
   — PM_UR_SquishyBoobs






4. My friend's grandfather had passed away and my friend's parents asked him to move in for a while so the house wouldn't go empty as they figured out what to do with it. He asked me if I wanted to move in and because there was no rent, I said yes. We just had to clean out the house of Grandpa's old stuff. A week or so before we moved in, I was in town and met a girl at the bar. I didn't want to drive her the 20 miles back to where I had been living so we went to grandpa's house and picked a random room. Didn't really look around because we were busy until she was on top of me and we both came to realize that this is where Grandpa kept his clown collection. Like, the whole room had clowns. Clown dolls, clown paintings... She was like, "Did you take me here on purpose?" it took me a while to convince her that this was my first time in this horrifying room.
   — -Words-Words-Words-


5. This is just general advice. If you think there is any remote possibility at all you could get laid, for God's sake, thoroughly clean your genitals. You should stay clean anyway because you're an adult, but I'm amazed at how many people do a poor job.
   — TheRealHooks


6. Woke up in a strange house next to a lady I didn't recognize. Quietly dressed and walked out to the street to look for my car, a rare '64 Riviera, and couldn't find it. Went back to the house and woke the lady up: "Hey, do you remember where we parked?" "Oh honey, we took a taxi from the bar 'cause you were too drunk to drive." So I cabbed to the bar we were at last; the parking lot was empty. I called one of the friends I'd been drinking with the night before and we went driving around for an hour looking for my car; nowhere to be found. I called the police and reported the car stolen. Two days pass with no news; my friends are telling me the car is history now, stripped for parts or sold in Mexico. On Monday, I cab to work and pass the bar I left the Rivvie in and there it is, in the lot, with the keys still in the ignition. I pay the cabbie and drive to work, mind blown. A week later, my 'friends' confess they took the car home for a day and then put it back in the lot; they were pissed off that I got lucky that night and they didn't. TLDR; friends stole my car because I got laid.
   — khegiobridge






7. Until we had two night stands, my SO always had to reach across the bed to grab things after I fell asleep, since it was on my side. One time she went for an ice cold glass of water and spilt it all over me. It was cold and horrible.
   — TheBigKY


8. Drunken night, went home with a girl from a party. She was funny and a solid 6, drunk 7. Anyway, do the deed and pass out. Next morning I wake up, breakfast in bed. Okay, this is a nice start. Five minutes later, her 6 year old son (who I have no idea where he came from, remember, we went to her place after a party and no one was there the night before, ya know, like a baby sitter) comes in the room and says "are you going to be my daddy?" and before I can even think of a response, the girl, with a very weird look on her face says "let's hope so". Not a crazy horror story, but I've only had 2 or 3 one night stands, this was the only one that got weird.
   — 5meterhammer


9. Back when I was living in my first apartment, I thought it would be a good idea to get myself some silk sheets. The intention was to create an environment of classy sensuality for any young women who might spend the night at my house (without having to drop a fortune on things like champagne and chocolate-dipped strawberries). As I discovered, though, silk sheets are damned expensive... and given that I was a broke college student, I couldn't exactly afford the top-quality bed-coverings. Thus, I made the mistake of purchasing *cheap* silk bed sheets. Anyone who has spent any time wrapped in low-quality silk knows how incredibly unpleasant an experience it can be: You start off feeling like the sheets *should* be soft and smooth, but there's this annoying tickle that dances across your entire body. Rolling into different positions is a crap-shoot between sliding around between slippery folds and dragging them along with you. You start to sweat, and the material actually sticks to you a little bit, making your bed less of relaxing cocoon and more of a sweltering burrito. There was one other issue, as well... but I didn't discover it until I actually followed through on my plan of having a young woman sleep over. After a particularly active (and unwisely long) session together, the girl and I passed out next to each other with nothing but those silk sheets between us and the hot night air. I got up once during the night, relieved myself in the bathroom, and went back to bed, which woke my partner from the depths of her own slumber. She apparently decided to emulate my actions... only instead of quietly returning from the restroom, she rushed in and shook me awake, demanding to know if I had any sexually transmitted diseases. Now, I've always been careful about staying clean (and we'd discussed as much), so the accusations were more than a little bit jarring. When I asked what had prompted them, the young woman turned on the light and displayed her naked form to me... and I saw that much of her body had been dyed a light shade of blotchy purple. A brief examination revealed that my own skin had adopted an oddly violet tint, too. We eventually figured out that my cheap-as-hell, knockoff silk bed sheets had bled during the night, transferring their color to my paramour and me. Worse still, the stuff didn't wash off as easily as I would have liked, and the two of us spent more than a little time in the shower together. It *could have* been an enjoyable evening, but mutual bathing just isn't as much fun when the intention is actually to get clean. I also had to change my bed sheets before we could finally pass out again. **TL;DR: I made a mistake with my bed and a girl dyed because of it.**
   — RamsesThePigeon






10. I'm gonna keep this real. Two one-night stands turned into super long relationships. You think horror is angry boyfriends and STDs? No, real horror is waking up in a sexless relationship with someone you don't even like, and realizing that what should have last several hours ended up lasting several years. *drops mic and walks out*
    — EveryWhichWayButDown