Men - Your child just turned 5 years old and you find out he/she isn't actually yours. How do you respond?

1. Be totally cool with the kid; divorce the mom.
   — NolanDevotee


2. Perfect time a Guardians of the Galaxy quote: "He might be your father, boy, but he aint your daddy"
   — SparkyBoy414


3. "What's the matter, dad?" "... Call me 'Jim'."
   — PonyGrove






4. Say, "I told you so." I got the snip more than a decade ago without kids when I was in my early 20s. I've been a Christmas tree since I was 23.
   — i_pee_printer_ink


5. With a lawyer's advice.
   — cmdertx


6. I would say "ohhh, so THAT'S why my wife and me had to go through all that adoption paperwork five years ago..."
   — GetOutTheWayBanana