You find a monkey’s paw that grants you one wish. You know that it will try to pervert your wish in an ironic way that will make the result not worth it. What do you wish for?

1. I want to lose 100 pounds, so I'd probably end up being hacked in half in a car accident or something.
   — ahydell


2. I'd wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises.
   — liquid0079


3. Don’t monkeys have hands?
   — Cotton_Gravy






4. I wish for monkeys to be happy. your move, paw.
   — deltora


5. I would wish that wishes could never be misconstrued or perverted in any way, shape, or form.
   — Cecilverse


6. For bitcoins. I would have them all, then the market would crash. Then graphic card prices would go back to normal.
   — Declinedgrunt






7. Death, try to fuck me out of that one
   — THE__COB


8. The rest of the monkey.
   — dragonxp1


9. I'd wish to be really lucky. I'd probably just get a bunch of cancers and barely survive
   — Seeeab