Flight attendants and pilots, what NSFW things occur during your jobs?

1. Used to fly a small commuter plane, 19 passengers, no door behind the cockpit, also no flight attendant. It’s really loud so communicating is difficult, hand signals only kinda thing. Just took off on a 30 minute flight and a passenger taps my shoulder, which startles the hell out of me because I can’t see him approach me and I’m hand flying. Turns out he just needs to take a leak, ok no big deal, except we don’t have a bathroom on the plane. We do have these gel packs to use though, so I hand him one and go back to flying the airplane (no autopilot). The flight is full and I’m not sure where I expected him to go, back to his seat maybe? No, instead I look over to the other pilot and only inches away from our face is this dudes long wrinkly dick and hairy bush that probably hasn’t been kept to in decades. As the guy is pissing in to the gel pack we hit some rough air and urine is going everywhere at this point, on the avionics, both of our uniforms, and my bag. If that wasn’t enough, the whole plane saw it. Once he’s done he hands me the gel pack, like I’m supposed to do something with it?? Oh no buddy, I hand him some napkins and point to go back to his seat.
   — wings907


2. My aunt is a flight attendant. She caught a guy fapping. She told him to put it away. She caught him again like 20 minutes later. They had cops waiting at the gate. Another time she saw a man sleeping. Like an hour later he was in the exact same position, but she noticed he wasn't breathing. He died of a xanax overdose (probably combined with alcohol). She said it's pretty obvious when couples try to fuck in the bathroom, but it doesn't happen that much.
   — OBAFGKM_


3. Father was a commercial pilot; he has lots of stories. His most WTF NSFW story was probably having to deal with a lactating woman breast feeding her cat in coach.
   — Baron_VonLongSchlong






4. Not totally on topic, but I fly a lot for work, and one time I walked to the bathroom as a flight attendant was walking out. She saw me heading in right after her and said “be careful, there’s a bomb in the bathroom”. I think it was a nervous reference to her having just blown up the toilet, and she quickly realized what she said as I gave her a perplexed look walking in to the bathroom. She pulled me aside as I walked out, and apologized profusely probably knowing she’d have lost her job if someone less understanding had heard it.
   — ChewyRat


5. As a Flight Engineer in the AF flying out of an island in the Pacific. A sailor had fallen overboard and drowned. The Navy recovered his body a few days later. Since this is down range, only a body bag is available, not a transport casket. Before takeoff the load master comes to the cockpit screaming, yelling and babbling. He says the body in the bag is wiggling. Turns out eels have entered his body via his mouth and are wiggling within his body and causing the movement.
   — SpacemanBif


6. Not a flight attendant, but I work for an airline and my team receives all the incident reports for what happens in the airplanes/airport. Some of the incident reports that came in were so shocking. Every summer we’d have multiple incidents of people having sex on board, in their seats or in the bathroom, that’s pretty standard. But here are a few of the most notable ones that came to our team: 1. A woman breastfeeding a kitten, refusing to stop (yes you read that correctly. No I’m not kidding) 2. A woman who exposed her breasts completely and ran up and down the aisles. 3. Drunk man attempting to molest the woman beside him by pretending he was asleep and touching her/falling into her lap. (Really dude?) 4. A woman on a red eye flight asked to stop masturbating, no blanket or anything, just her and her whispering eye out for all to see. The flight attendant said in her report that she didn’t make eye contact, but told the women “everyone can see what you are doing and we need you to stop”. The women was so embarrassed, gave a panicked “sorry” and stopped. 5. This happened at the airport, but it’s my favourite. A male was using the airport washroom and then a fully naked man comes crashing down out of the ceiling right on top of the man using the washroom. The naked man scrambled and climbed right back into the ceiling without saying a word. The man using the washroom was in complete shock and told one of our managers that we have “a problem in the washroom”. I howled at that. Security and the police couldn’t find this guy for the longest time. But when they finally did, he was a homeless guy living in the ceiling, still naked when they found him. He got in because of the construction at the airport. My sister was working at the airport when this happened and the incident report came from the head of security. I giggle every time I think of this. I’ve had so many “wtf” moments working in my department. I truly can’t believe some of the things that happen. EDIT: apparently breastfeeding cats happens often: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/7ri3d6/comment/dsxgfy4?st=JCMKAW0A&sh=a8d90728
   — Saclarke09






7. Not me but a friend who's a flight attendant who came across this really stubborn male passenger who wanted a sanitary pad that he saw the flight attendant hand over to a female passenger, convinced that it was an eye mask thingy you put on before sleeping. Arguing with her about it, she finally gave in and gave the sanitary pad to the guy who coolly removed the anti-adhesive and stuck it on his eyes and went to sleep
   — KapitaanKrunch


8. I was just a passenger but on a flight to Florida, a guy got drunk and stabbed himself in the eye with a plastic fork. When the flight attendant asked him how that happened, he reenacted it... and stabbed himself in the other eye.
   — Polite_Werewolf


9. I was a flight attendant for 6 years. Summer flights to party islands like Ibiza, Mallorca and Mykonos could get quite raunchy. Like women boarding in fishnets, wanking & blow jobs at the back of the aircraft. Edit: By fishnets I don't mean just tights, I mean full-body fishnets, no bra and the skimpiest thong you can imagine.
   — Munkyspyder






10. i’m always so late on these threads & no this is not about consensual airplane sex. well, I had a 50ish man seated next to an unaccompanied minor. she was maybe 6 or 7 years old. now usually, when this happens it a “hi i’m so and so” just to make the little one feel at ease, plug in headphones and move on with their lives. every now and then the person sitting next to the UM is talkative/friendly and asking the kid the usual questions “are you going to visit nana” etc. typically harmless, but essentially this kid is under my care so i keep watching. while I was performing drink service, I noticed they were chatting. ok, cool it happens. I was standing in my galley, watching them, when I saw him take out his phone. I called the other flight attendant to the back to join me, to confirm what I thought I was seeing. he was taking pictures of her. not like a quick snapchat or anything. lots of pictures. we took photographic proof of our own that this was happening. then, very quickly, I went over to him and told him we would be moving his seat up to an upgraded seat. he was reluctant. “she needs me”. my immediate response was “no she doesn’t, and you had best put your phone away.” so we moved him, and replaced him with a sweet little old lady. little girl never even knew what was happening. about 20 mins later, this dude went into the bathroom.... for a while. we all know what was going down in there. we called the authorities, he was escorted off the plane. both myself and the other flight attendant had to give statements to the police officers. given the nature of what happened, never got any follow up. i’m just glad it was a daytime flight so he didn’t have a chance to try anything worse.
    — AreYouThereSatan