Anyone who's ever gotten into a fight with a Canada Goose, what is the best way to beat them down?

1. Trebuchet, assuming they are 300m away
   — Sneezis


2. i like to demoralize them. I usually fry up a bunch of scrambled eggs and eat them on the porch... just to let them know what I'm capable of.
   — Ev_antics


3. I politely moved the the side, said I was sorry to the goose and continued on my way to Tim Hortons.
   — Great_Gogely_Mogely






4. Try to be as big as possible bro. If they square up kick em in the dick!!!
   — tigolbitties04


5. It's bound to happen. I walk past them several times a day and we give each other stink eye. I want to know the best way to quickly win the fight and avoid getting alpha'd by a goddamned flying rat.
   — meatboat2tunatown


6. If you grab it by the neck, you can lift it off the ground. They don't weigh that much. It will spread its wings and flap like crazy so hold it away from your body. Keep your cool and you pretty much own it at this point. You don't need to kill it. Just carry it along with you for a few feet until it realizes you're the one deciding its fate. When you sense that it has stopped struggling (wings down), then you can drop it and walk away like a boss. It will be so relieved that you are not taking it away to eat it...that it will either stand there stunned or take off in the opposite direction to get away from you as fast as possible. Source: I'm a guy on the Internet, trust my advice at your own peril.
   — Churn






7. The safest way is a long stick. The most savage way, recommended for immediate disposal of the winged assailant if it's after your young children or pets, is to snatch that prick by the neck and swing it, slam it, then launch it into something. It won't forget this and will likely leave your savage ass alone. You'll get bit using this method but your children won't.
   — Early_Grace


8. I genuinely don't believe there's a way to defeat them. A friend of mine pointed at a goose, it bit his finger and broke it. Another friend's uncle had his finger chomped clean off. Our school used to not allow us to use certain doors because geese were being territorial of the space. Also, I hear they know to go straight for the Achilles tendon. I wish I was making any of this up.
   — paigebackstage


9. Retreat. Canadian Geese are like the Emus of North America. If you try fucking with them you're going to have a bad time.
   — tatsuedoa






10. Remind it that the Leafs haven't won a Cup since 1967. That will distract it and deflate it's mood long enough for you to escape. This works on most things from Canada, btw.
    — slowhand88