What insane things do your relatives believe?

1. People in my family tend not to be that well educated so they get some pretty interesting beliefs. * My second cousin believes that if you fuck standing up, you won't get pregnant. She had a kid when she was 16. * My mom's cousin seems to think the Jews/Liberal party/NDP (left wing party in Canada) are behind every bad thing that happened. He got his licence suspended again and that's because the Jews at the registry don't want him to drive. He drove up his heating bill, probably by growing pot, but that's the NDP's fault. When he didn't get a job, that's on Justin Trudeau, not that he called the interviewer a bitch. * An embarrassing number of family members believe that beer isn't really alcohol. * My great aunt still doesn't have internet. She thinks it gives her headaches. They're probably hangovers from the "non-alcoholic" beer she's been drinking. * One of my cousins thinks Alaska is part of Canada. * My paternal grandmother is under the impression that lizards are some kind of mystical creature but dragons are definitely real. I have no idea where this idea came from. * Another one of my cousins thinks Kazakhstan was invented for the movie Borat. No amount of map showing or talking to family members who were born in the Soviet Union (which Kazakhstan was apart of) about the existence of Kazakhstan can convince him. * When my second cousin's daughter was younger, she thought that since my Russian family celebrates New Years like Christmas, Russia is a week behind the rest of the world.
   — punkterminator


2. He won't put deodorant on because it has chemicals that are bad for you. He's addicted to cigarettes :/
   — PM_MeYourFavoritSong


3. It's ok to shit in the same bathroom while someone else is showering
   — icecreampopncereal






4. My grandfather believed, until the day he died, that a news story he heard about Obama wanting to make all school buses "green" meant he actually wanted to paint them from yellow to green. He would get fired up because "damnit, they've always been yella".
   — 5meterhammer


5. that the mexican government paradrops their elderly citizens into the US so they can get medicare
   — i_hate_jose


6. My grandfather was a fundamentalist. He believed that the reason they found frozen water on Mars was because when God flooded the earth, some of the water spurted off onto Mars. I'm not even mad, I'm actually kind of impressed.
   — Orual309






7. My Mother-in-law believes that demons can get caught in peach fuzz. My brother-in-law once got a fungal infection in his lungs and my MiL sincerely asked the doctor if it was caused by Voodoo. She also has some weird beliefs involving eggs. I don't understand it.
   — myellabella


8. ...Threads like this are my time to shine. * That aspartame causes cancer/Alzheimer's. No amount of Snopesing will ever convince them. * That drinking cold water after a meal solidifies the food in your stomach, leading to cancer and bowel problems. Again, no amount of Snopesing will convince them. * That after death, you don't go to heaven or hell. You instead lie in the ground in a sort of "coma" for an indeterminate amount of time until the "new system" begins and you are either deemed worthy of resurrection into a "paradise," or you're eternally dead. * That she'll (this is my JW mother's belief) get personal first dibs on the rich-people houses she likes when this "paradise" comes to fruition. She actually goes around picking them out. * That the reason they're fat and can't lose weight is because they're old. Not because they do 15 minutes of walking and call it "their exercise for the day" while also eating inbetween-meal meals they call "snacks." * That mental illness is caused by playing videogames and watching TV and you can "induce a mental illness in yourself." * That everyone gets diabetes when they turn 50-ish. Everyone. * That chronic depression can be cured by reading self help books, praying, thinking happy thoughts, and baking cookies. * That autistic meltdowns can be prevented or halted by thinking happy thoughts, praying, and baking cookies. * That Obama is a Muslim terrorist and also that random Muslim guys on the street are part of ISIS. * That the country is going to be ruled by Muslims and under Sharia Law within 5 to 10 years.
   — novaonthespectrum


9. Some of the ways my relatives think it's wise to raise their children are, in my opinion, fucking bonkers. Note, not all of these are the same relatives/kids: * Blended family. His two kids get to go to private school, hers have to go to public school. His kids get their own rooms, hers have to share. The list goes on. And then they wonder why the kids don't get along, and her two have behavioral issues and are generally not a "happy family". * The kid is allowed essentially zero sugar. Sounds like a good thing, but they take it to an *extreme*. Like, it's to the point where if she gets a lollipop, she is allowed to lick it three times and then has to throw it away. I personally bet she is going to have an eating disorder by age 10. * Apparently, body-shaming an eight-year-old (who is also a perfectly healthy weight) is not only acceptable, but desirable behavior as a mother. For added effectiveness, also make fun of said little girl for showing any interest in STEM or any other academic subject, then be confused and shocked when years later she's failing out of high school. * My cousin moved his entire family from the Southwest to the Midwest when his daughter was old enough to enter school because, "if we stay here, I'm worried she's going to marry a Mexican some day".
   — _MaddAddam






10. I have some fundamentalist christians in the family. Earth created in six days fundamentalist, considering I'm a biologist we don't talk about that. Parents believe homeopathy works but they still go to a real doctor for real problems so I don't make a fuss about it. It's their money they're wasting. My brother and his girlfriend believe they have a healthy relationship.
    — Bobs_porn_alt


11. Brother in-law legit believes that the earth is flat. Out of all the conspiracy theories out there, flat earth is the most ignorant.
    — switch_switch