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What should a man know while in the hospital having his first kid? Any tips or advice to help comfort his wife?
- Be as supportive as you can, and ADVOCATE for her. My first born was a huge ordeal because her epidural went up, and when she started acting weird and saying she couldn't breath the nurses shushed her and told her everything was fine. She was noticeably not fine, and having trouble breathing. I had to literally scream in the nurses face until the DR heard me and came in to find out what was wrong. The head nurse ( one who checked us in ) came in and sided with me, that she was acting funky. Rushed her for an emergency c section and only found out that the epidural went up onto her head instead of down into her lower back after the anaesthesiologist figured out what happened Scarey stuff.
You know her the best, so if something seems wrong, speak up. The staff is usually great and super awesome, but at the end of the day shes just another face in the crowd.
Also, congrats! And make sure you have ice chips handy.
— ChibiCharaN
- You will feel like an interns first day, fucking useless. So get used to that idea.
— Ok_advice
- If she says she doesn't want X person in the room then don't let X person in the room.
— Livvylove
- Her brain isn't going to work right for at least 6 weeks post-delivery. Between the hormones, the sleep deprivation and her body healing from a massive internal wound (the placenta covers an area the size of a paper plate and it's completely open inside her womb as she heals) she's not going to be firing on all cylinders. She might come across as having it together and have you fooled, but definitely be there for her mentally as well as physically.
Don't take it personally if she's mad at you, she's got a lot going on right now (see above) and you're the safest person to let it all out with. She's going to feel insufficient for the task at hand so make sure you point out all the things she's doing well. She might not believe you or write it off. SAY IT ANYWAY. She might not believe it or be willing to accept it but she still needs to hear it.
If you can take over a feeding once or twice and let her sleep that would be great for all of you. If she's nursing, be available while she nurses and make sure you help her if she needs something she forgot.
Really it's about taking as many burdens off of her as possible so she can connect with your baby. You'll get to connect with baby too, so send her to take a nap or shower while you hold the baby. If she wants to do something that makes her feel like a person again for a little while (go out for a meal alone), you'll have the baby to hold then. She'll reach a point when she doesn't want to be touched, hold the baby then.
— Thatswhatthatdoes
- hold her hand, do exactly as she says, advocate for her if she needs it, and don't ask stupid questions.
if they take the baby to the NICU or another room, follow the baby!
— eillabella
- I hope you took those classes beforehand because the kid will come out looking purple and weird, but don't worry, it'll all come into place. Also don't be a dick about trying to have sex after giving birth. You wouldn't like me to stick a hotdog on your open gash, so don't ask for that shit for the next 3 months MINIMUM.
— loganlogwood
- You might be a vital part of her labor experience, you might be tits on a bull. Listen to her, don't get in the way and don't worry, you'll have plenty of chances to be useful over the next few decades in raising this child.
— bakerton
- Dont get offended if she says anything mean to you during these stressful times. She gets a free pass to cuss you out and cry.
— CatFoodStamps
- I was trying to comfort my wife, through the screams, pushing, sweating, contracting, and everything else that was happening.
I was holding her hand and used what always had worked with my first child, just calmly holding her and going, "Shhhhhhh, shhhh"
What she heard was, "SHHHH! STOP SCREAMING, YOU'RE BEING LOUD," and nearly ripped my face off.
So don't shush your wife, even if you mean well and you're trying to be comforting. Dear God, don't shush.
— sm1ttysm1t
- My wife went crazy trying to breast feed our 1st. She spent 8 days and nights trying to make it work but he just wouldnt take to it. She was in absolute agony with mastitis, chapped nipples and hadnt slept in days. The baby was really upset because he wasnt getting enough to drink either. When i arrived on the 8th day( i was in Afghanistan and missed the first week) i had to intervene and insist she try bottle feeding.
You need to remember for the first few days, weeks, maybe months, your sole job is to support the mother. If that means telling her some hard truths like for the babies own good, you have to give up trying to breast feed, then so be it. Most likely you will just be a fetcher, night feeder and nappy changer though. She's going to be exhausted so you just kinda need forget about yourself a little and concentrate completely on them. But dont smother them. Let them bond. Ensure you bond with the baby too with the skin to skin.
Congratulations OP and i hope it goes well for you all.
— irishmickguard
- DO NOT TALK ABOUT ANY OF YOUR EXPERIENCES WITH PAIN. This is how you get hit. At that moment, any struggle you have had is,nothing compared to what she's going through. Your only tasks are to hold her hand, get ice chips and tell her you love her/she's beautiful
— NotoriousTNT
- Assuming natural birth...the head will be cone-shaped and the kid will be blue. This is normal.
Afterwards, you are Jeeves/Alfred.
Also, sleep when you can.
— zobotsHS
- Take enough food for yourself, you could be there some time and you won't qualify for hospital food. Leave food for your wife if she is in overnight. She will probably get peckish after her efforts. Don't put put any of the crazier Pink Floyd songs on the playlist if it comes on when your wife is in labour she will shout at you to turn it off. Don't feel pressured to cut the cord or go down the business end if you don't want to.
— badgermonkey007