People whose siblings died before you were born, what was it like growing up? [Serious]

1. My second oldest sister passed away. My mom made it very clear to me there was 7 of us so I always say I’m the youngest of 7. Or when people ask me how many siblings I have I always say 2 brothers and 5 sisters, one who passed away. (My siblings just say there’s 6 of us). People feel really bad afterwards but I say it because I would feel weird leaving her out, like she never existed and that’s how my mom always explained it to me. I never met her but she was my sister. Growing up I think I, more than all my other siblings, felt really affected by it. Even now, I just think about what she would be like, what she would sound like or look like. All my siblings are 3 years apart except for her and I. She was a year younger than my oldest sister, and I’m 5 years younger than the sister before me so I always wondered if we had a weird connection. I don’t know. My mom was very over protective of us as a result I believe. My sister died when she was 9 months old and my mom said that for every single one of us she felt like she couldn’t breathe until we passed 9 months of age. She never wanted any of us to leave her and with me being the youngest it’s especially hard for her. She was abandoned at 10 months old as well so her losing my sister made her all the more afraid of losing us.
   — bodyintherye


2. My mom had five miscarriages and then had a stillborn son (full term) about a year and a half before I was born. My parents were (are?) neurotically overprotective but I always felt very wanted. I sometimes think about my stillborn brother.
   — youngoffender


3. My oldest sister died just before her 6th birthday. I was born the next year. My parents talked about her my whole life, have her picture in the living room to this day, kept one of her stuffed animals for me so I'd have something that belonged to her. I remember vividly the moment I realized I would die someday because I did the math and knew I was the exact age my sister was when she died and if it happened to her it could happen to me. This somehow temporarily turned into my thinking I Would die that day. I got a bunch of things that were important to me together (things like my ticket from the circus, my favorite stuffed animals, etc), arranged them at the foot of my bed, and laid down with my arms crossed over my chest. Like, I just thought, "this is it." I probably only laid there for a few minutes before I got bored and decided this was taking too long so I put my stuff back and went back to my normal day. Still have panic attacks about death occasionally, though. There have definitely been times when I've felt like I was only born to replace my sister. I mentioned it to my mom once, and she assured me I was an accident.
   — Lounge_Mouse






4. [removed]
   — [deleted]


5. My step brother died of AIDS before my mom and his dad met. So while I'd been born, we weren't related then. My step dad hid his picture and a bunch of his stuff in the room that ended up being mine. He said he was too sad to look at it and too sad to throw it away. It was kind of like a time capsule of being gay in the early 90s. My mom was bothered by it, but I kind of liked it. It was like I could get to know him and remember him even if it hurt my stepdad too much. Sometimes he would talk about him, he missed him a lot.
   — Marinaisgo


6. My brother died a little over a year before I was born. He died less than an hour after he was born. We go out to visit his grave and it was normal for me when I was little. I didn't understand why my parents were so sad, though, or why he was gone. My mom still cries. Once when I was about 9 she told me that she wished she had died instead of him. I said "but then you wouldn't have had me" and she said "I know." That one hurt. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if he had survived. Would I get along with him? Would we have a bigger house? Would he have joined the football team, like my dad and my other brother? Would I have been born? It's not fair, really, when you think about it. He isn't here for holidays. We can't buy him presents or a cake for his birthday. He never got his drivers license. He should be graduating high school in a few weeks. Sometimes I can't help but feel like I'm just a replacement for him, and I feel bad about it. He should be here.
   — criuggn






7. I had a twin that died during childbirth. To be honest, he wasn't mentioned much. I apparently slept through the funeral and didn't understand the weight of the loss until I was about 6 or so. Still, nobody really mentions the incident.
   — rocketguy75


8. My mom's first kid died a few days after being born and didn't have another kid until a few years later. My mom would take us to visit her grave every year but I never really understood much about it. I just remember making a comment about how she'd be the same age as Aaron Carter who I was a huge fan of at the time. Not really appropriate I know but I'll just chalk it up to childish naiveté. My mom was very open about what happens and never made it a secret. My aunt lost two boys in a similar way before she had her two girls and she kept that a secret from my cousins who didn't find out until my mom mentioned one of their brothers. She had no idea that my cousins didn't know since she never hid it from us but I guess some people just deal with it differently.
   — MILF-Money


9. My older brother died before I was born. He would've been older by 18 months and he was 4 months old at the time of his death. I've always felt like I was cheated out of an older brother who could've been my protector and friend. I have several of his toys and outfits that I keep for sentimental reasons. My parents don't talk about it much although every now and then my dad will tell the story of how he found him dead in his crib.
   — lifeinthefastlane999






10. My mother had a second-trimester miscarriage before I was born. I think that was hard for my parents, because she never gave him a name or had a funeral service. My dad never talked about it, but my mom would sometimes bring it up. I know she is still sad about it, even almost 30 years later. She was very overprotective of us when I was young. I resented that a lot as a teenager, but I think it was a way of trying to protect us since she couldn't protect the baby she lost. Edit: grammar
    — MusicOfTheAinur


11. I come from a family of five. Four older brothers, and myself- a female being the youngest. In between child 2 and 3 my mother had two stillborn babies. The depression my mother endured triggered her to have schizophrenia. My father didnt know how to make her normal again, so he kept giving her children thinking that would help. I never knew a normal mother. She would tell me that "The dark put her babies in plastic trashbags and set them on fire". She would often bring me to her room and show me the triangles that the aliens left on her legs when she was taken the night before. Once she put a pillow over my head and when she finally came to realize what she was doing she said, "oh I thought you liked that game".She would also sit in the back of my classroom when I went to school and not tell the teacher why she was there- and whisper things about God to my classmates. I failed fourth grade because I was too embarrassed to go. That summer of fourth grade my mother got into a high speed chase with the police that ended at my house. I watched her get beat by police before they took her away. That was the last time I spent the night in the same house as my Mother. She was in the Mental hospital most of my life. Now she lives in assisted living and I talk to her a few times a week. She still sees and hears things, but she doesnt talk about it. I went through a lot of counselling as a child- and it's helped. I think it affected my 2 oldest brothers differently, because they knew her when she was a normal Mom. I always just thought the way she acted was like everyone elses Mom. Anyway, I wouldnt change anything about the way I was raised. My Dad did the best he could to support his family, and my Mother- although sick, was caring and beautiful and always made sure her kids were safe.
    — bootysweat86


12. My mother told me about my older sister and I've seen pictures (she died in her early twenties from cancer a year or so before I was born), but it's hard to really feel a connection because I never actually met her. If anything I feel for my mother more than anything, but she's a strong woman and never discussed my sister much.
    — Mr-Phish






13. My oldest brother from my dad's previous marriage died of kidney failure when he was only 5. I was born about 11 or 12 years after his passing. We grew up visiting his grave every year and hearing stories of what he was like before he got sick. It makes you miss someone you've never met. You're sad even though you never knew them. But you also have to strive for their level of perfection. In my dad's eyes, he was the perfect child. Always listened, called everyone sir or ma'am, never talked back, would never hurt a fly. I think my dad kind of made this life for my brother in his head to deal with the tragedy. My brother would have followed exactly in my dad's footsteps and taken over the family business and had a perfect marriage with his own perfect children. My siblings and I never felt good enough compared to him. So we grew up living in a shadow that was never truly there. It hurt.
    — xinaj23


14. I had been born, but my mother had a miscarriage when I was about three. They had always told me that I was going to have at least two or three brothers or sisters before that. However, due to the complications that ensued, my parents became too afraid to try for another child, and until I was about ten, lived as a single child. When my mother was pregnant with my younger brother, things changed a lot: Our diet changed, we kept on top of her health and monitored my brother's development endlessly. As predicted, complications ensued, but my little brother survived, albeit without a lower left arm. He's a perfectly healthy young boy now. After he was born, my parents tried for another baby, and this time there were no complications and a perfectly healthy baby girl was born, but they were even more on top of things than they were with my little brother.
    — StormDaDrains