Redditors who accidentally killed someone, how has it impacted your life?

1. It has been 8 years and I still think about it every single day. I get anxiety when driving at night or in bad whether or if other people are in the car. I’ve recently started receiving some therapy, and it has helped a bit, but at this point I can’t imagine not feeling guilty. I was the driver in a car accident in which my best friend died. She was one of the 5 passengers. We were 19 and I was the designated driver after a night out, so i was sober. I was driving my roommates car and when getting onto the interstate I got too close to the rail on the side and overcorrected. I lost control of the car and it flipped. Everyone else was relatively unscratched. Two people received a few stitches, but that’s it. This friend and another passenger were riding in the very back of the SUV. The friend had also borrowed my roommates car a few days earlier, and she had picked up these large cement pieces that are sidewalk inlays that have the name of streets in the city in which we lived, and those giant cement pieces were still in the back where they were sitting. She sustained most of her injuries from those cement blocks. She lived to make it to the hospital and her parents were able to get there, but the injuries were so extensive that the doctors said she would be in a vegetative state if they could even save her. Her parents opted out of that option. She would have hated to “live” like that. I would give anything to go back to that night. I would take a different route home or not joined them at all. I miss her a lot.
   — keeperofthetrees


2. A very drunk guy tripped off the sidewalk into 5 o'clock traffic, right in front of me. Not enough time to stop. He was limp enough that when I hit him with my SUV, he wrapped up on my back right tire. I stopped the SUV, got out, and found him wrapped up like a burrito. So many broken bones, blood everywhere but his head was resting at 10 o' clock on the tire. Was in the process of reaching to touch him, just a few inches away, and I saw him breathe. I started crying, went up to the sidewalk and went into shock. After firefighters/cops/ambulance came by, took the report, and I was taken back to my apt from a friend. Spent that weekend at their place, and they drove the SUV to my apt beforehand. But it took over a week for me to be able to drive the SUV again. 2 weeks later, was told the vehicle was a crime scene so cops took it for another day, but deemed it not needed. Found out the parents were trying to sue me, but due to the 5 witnesses at the location (which I didn't even know) they vouched for me, the toxicology reading he was at .25 alcohol level at death, and he had Hep C. One of the firefighters caught that when they were removing him due to all the blood and the parent's did know about (most likely due to drugs). So they dropped the case. I will never drive on the sidewalk side of the road, unless it's a one way, and I still hug towards the interior and tend to swerve if people are on the sidewalk. This occurred 12 years ago.
   — Auroralaure


3. I was driving a friend on a dirt path and lost control of the vehicle. It flipped 6 times. I was fine except a pinch in my back and glass on my hands. He died instantly. I was caught in the bitterness for a long time. It was so unfair. Not that he died, but that I was fine. I was unhurt. I called his family and told them what happened. I only got their voicemail, which was easier and I was grateful for it. His mother called me back and told me to forgive myself. She forgave me instantly. I still struggle to do that sometimes. All of it was hard. Everything went as good for me as it could possibly have gone. But it was, and is, still hard to forgive myself. It's been nearly two years but I still remember it vividly every time I drive.
   — 14thArticleofFaith






4. It wasn’t my fault, but when I used to drive a wheelchair transport van, a bracket that holds the wheelchairs down failed. The guy tipped over enough to hit his head on a cross brace when I turned a corner. He had a degenerative disease, and had fragile bones. He ended up in the hospital, and never recovered. Passed a few days later. The last I heard, the company that made the brackets ended up changing their design because the accident unveiled a flaw in their design. I think about it a lot, because a person died who was in my care. I don’t feel guilty about it or anything, There was nothing I could have done differently; something just broke. It’s still a bummer when I think about it though.
   — Skittlebrau46


5. About five years ago I hit an old lady in the street while I was on my motorcycle. I believe she was dead on the scene, but wasn’t pronounced dead until the hospital. I wasn’t drinking or speeding, she just ran across the street chasing the bus. I’ll always remember the instant she turned to look at me before I hit her. It definitely shook me up, and I’m rather sensitive to crossing the street, especially jaywalking or outside of a crosswalk. Every once in a while I get flash backs and kind of shudder, just remembering everything, replaying it over and over. I still live near where it happened and have to drive the street occasionally. I always am cautious now in areas with lots of pedestrians, watching carefully to make sure no one is crossing. I think it didn’t help that at the spot I hit her, I have had cars or people try to cross before, cutting me off. I remember the day it happened I was driving slower then I might usually because I knew it was a trouble spot. There’s still that what if I hadn’t driven it or what if I saw her before she started crossing. I’ll always have that with me, knowing she died and her kids and grandkids never saw her again. Knowing she was just trying to get to work to provide for her family, only to get killed by someone else on his way to work. It sucks. I’ve never spoken to her family, though her son was at the scene that day, and I can’t imagine what they went through, but I hope they know it wasn’t intentional or negligent on my part. And I hope they are doing ok. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to meet them, I don’t know what I would say or do.
   — swmninja


6. Throwaway because I don’t want this getting linked to my main account. I was actually going to tell this story on another thread a couple weeks ago but deleted it. I used to be an airline pilot for a relatively large regional airline. Because I didn’t make much money doing it, I worked as a flight instructor on my days off from the airline. One day a student of mine and I were up practicing some maneuvers over an area with a lot of trees. As we were finishing up and about to go back to the airport, our engine started acting weird. It was a bit rough and we lost RPM. No big deal, I thought, I figured we were just running the mixture too lean, so I enriched it and had no improvement. I started heading towards a field we passed a couple miles back. It wasn’t big but it was our best shot if things got worse as the airport was something like 15 miles away. The engine only got worse. I was having trouble maintaining altitude and I radioed in a mayday call with our position. Eventually, the engine died completely. I tried a restart but nothing worked. As we were lining up our final approach, we made sure the airplane was secured and all that. Turns out the field was a lot smaller than I thought. We touched down and it was extremely rough. I had a lot of pressure on the breaks, trying to not lock them. The trees were coming up very fast and I decided we weren’t going to stop so I tried to get the airplane back on it’s front wheels and slam on the breaks to make it flip so we could at least stop. I thought about it too late and we smashed straight into a big tree. I can’t remember very clearly getting out but I do remember seeing my student in the front seat slouched over with his head to the side. I tried to yell for him to get out and realized his eyes were open. The local police arrived within minutes of us touching down and later they said they saw us coming in. They got my student out and took me to a hospital to be looked at and X-Ray’d because I had bad pain in my neck and back. They pronounced my student dead at the scene. His neck snapped on impact. I didn’t have any legal action taken against me or anything, the NTSB and FAA said that I did the right thing in the situation. I just wish I could’ve gotten the plane flipped over. I feel guilty. His wife blamed me and tried suing me. I have extreme anxiety and don’t fly anymore. I wish I could bring myself to do it because I truly loved it. I work construction now because I have always loved building stuff and fixing up the house. I’m 36 years old now and have it on my bucket list to fly one last time.
   — throwaway87559






7. Several years ago I accidentally killed two kids. I was driving on the highway and my front right tire exploded, this caused me to lose control of my car. When my car swerved it went into the opposite lane of traffic, slamming into the rear side of a car. After the accident, I was emotional destroyed for months, I would never get into a car not even as passenger anyone time would try and coax me into one I would have a small breakdown. A week after the accident the parents of the kids, who were also in the car but somehow relatively unharmed invited me to their kids' funeral. I went expecting them hurl every insult imaginable at me, possibly the father of my victims would even beat the shit out of me, no matter what the said or did to me I would have deserved. But when I got there the both came up to me and immediately hugged me and told me it wasn't my fault. Here were two people's whose lives I had essentially ruined and they were trying to mend my broken heart, when it should have been the reverse. The moment they said those words to me was like some indescribable pain because I knew I didn't deserve such kindness, especially from them. To this day I still do not drive, though I do get into cars where other people are driving though it causes me great anxiety. I also go to therapy weekly, and have moved from the suburbs to the city so I can live a daily life that does not require having a personal vehicle because I just can't ever see myself behind the wheel again. I will forever regret that day and would gladly give my life if it meant those kids could be alive again, but unfortunately life isn't ever that fair.
   — PM_UR_BUTTSZ


8. Without a doubt one of the hardest things I've ever been through. I was driving to meet my mom for dinner near her work after class. It was maybe 7pm. I typically take the highway when heading out that way, but it was a nice day so I decided to take the back roads. Along the way, there was a cyclist going along, I noticed him, but he was in the bike lane which was decently sized. The road was 45 mph, but I had slowed down some, as I got closer I made sure to get closer to the center line to give him some space. Then, once I'm barely a few yards from the guy, he decided to turn directly in front of my car. He didn't make any indication that he would be turning, he didn't so much as look, and there wasn't an intersection in the area. But nonetheless here he was directly in the path of my car. With barely a few feet separating us. I remember very distinctly everything seeming to slow down. I reflexively slammed onto my breaks as hard as I physically could. I watched in agony as my car screeched towards him. The last thing I remember is his body coming up onto my windshield, the sound of crunching metal and breaking glass, and the blood. Supposedly, I had called the cops hysterically begging for help. When they had arrived I was on the ground, kneeling next to the man sobbing, as he lay face down on the sidewalk, not moving. He was pronounced dead at the scene. After the accident, I went numb. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I was so naseous I could barely stand. And in the few moments when I could get myself together I was forced to have the same conversation over and over with police, lawyers, detectives, on what had happened. Always pressing for more details. It was tortuous and felt never ending. Months later, after the investigation was concluded, I learned that the cyclist, apart from not wearing a helmet, was a homeless drug addict, and was likely high on herion at the time of the accident. But that didn't come out until months after it had happened. It had been published in the local papers that a cyclist had been killed in a car accident. It was a big story for the town and I saw it everywhere online. I know I shouldn't have, but I would read the comments people left on the article. All saying things like 'the driver was probably texting', 'it's so unsafe out there for cyclists', and other things insinuating that it was my fault. I internalized it. Even though I'm absolutely certain I was paying attention, part of me keeps thinking thoughts about how I might've looked down at some point to perhaps adjust the radio and I didn't see his signal. That I missed my opportunity to avoid this. That somehow it is my fault. For a long time after the accident I was very far from okay. I was dependent on sleeping pills to get any sleep at all, and my appetite dwindled. Every time I got into a car, even if I wasn't driving, I felt panicked. A few years later, and after a lot of intensive therapy, and now I'm mostly okay. I still have occasional nightmares, and can remember the sounds like it just happened. I haven't fully forgiven myself for it, and I'm not sure if I ever will. But it doesn't stop me from living my day to day life anymore.
   — elephant3545


9. So I hope this counts but I understand if it gets removed. When I was 6 I got a full sized snickers bar while trick or treating. My mom was on the front step hanging out with our neighbor Tom (eta:an adult) and I remember showing them my chocolate bar and him being impressed that I got a full sized. He told me it was his favorite and I really don’t like snickers so I gave it to him. He acted so excited and said he was gonna hide later and eat it so he wouldn’t have to share. The next day Tom was found dead in the bathroom from complications of type 1 diabetes. When I asked my mom what that meant she said (because I was 6) that it means he can’t have sugar. I genuinely believed for about 6 years that I killed the man. I figured he hid in the bathroom and are all that sugar and died and I felt guilty for 6 years. I had trouble hanging out with his kids and then when they went to juvenile detention centers I felt like I personally ruined their lives with the chocolate bar because they were stuck with their bat shit crazy mom now. It wasn’t until I met a kid with diabetes who kept yoohoos in his desk that I realized they can and should have sugar. I asked my health teacher about it and she started to explain and I started to freak out. Sobbing shaking 12 year old reaction so they called my mom and she came to get me. I just kept trying to tell her I didn’t kill Tom and she was like “sweetie I know, he was an alcoholic and it killed him”. So I didn’t actually kill someone but I believed I did
   — PluralofSloop