Your body is found in a pile of the last item you bought. What does the news report say?

1. "Last morning a man was found dead under a pile of sandwiches after a bizarre accident. According to witnesses, no one knows if the man was struggling to breathe or trying to eat his way out of the pile"
   — MMMLG


2. 'A local woman has been found dead in a large vat of delicious yet reasonably-priced rosé wine. We're saddened to report that her death was not quick; in fact, witnesses report that she got out three times to piss.'
   — Portarossa


3. "Finger-lickin' DEAD Glutton drowns in his sin" It was chicken wings.
   — PhreedomPhighter






4. “Man crushed to death under pile of KFC original recipe - Witnesses day he died smiling”
   — nitnitwickywicky


5. Damn how would I be found in a pile of csgo skins
   — FreduardoTheFag


6. "A local 26 year old's body was found this morning lying on a pile of tickets to the movie 'Annihilation'. He must have really loved that movie, James."
   — McCyanide






7. "Giant fucking weeb found dead under pile of Anime Bluray Box sets. His wallet was also found dead at the scene"
   — Thatuserguy


8. Young woman found buried under mounds of white chocolate. She's the creme of this unusually large Cadbury Creme Egg.
   — gurlicbread


9. Man dies to death after being stepped on by thousands of ladders.
   — PM_ME_FOR_BITCOIN






10. Dog food. For fucks sake.
    — PM_ME_FREE_AUDIOBOOK


11. "Weird guy found dead in pile of socks, more on this dangerous new fetish at 10, keep your kids safe"
    — CraisinsAreGood


12. "Once again, further proof that nicotine can, and does, kill." Last thing I bought was cigarettes.
    — cynical-mage






13. "Despite the fact that the victim died in a pile of empty cups previously filled with Starbucks frappuccinos, the victim has been identified as not a white girl."
    — TornadoApe


14. Man found dead in a pile of lottery tickets. Still didn't win.
    — ohhhhhhhhhhhhman