Gay people of reddit, what will straight people never understand about your lives?

1. The predatory lesbian stereotype really fucks with me. Part of it is because I'm young and grew up in a prejudiced area but it affects a lot of my actions. With straight friends I'm extremely careful to not be overly touchy, especially if I'm out to them. In locker rooms and stuff, I literally look at the floor until I leave so no one thinks I'm staring at them. In the past I haven't come out to crushes, because I'll befriend them but then I don't want them to think I only did it to try and date them. Stuff along those lines. This obviously doesn't affect everyone but it's something that most of the straight people I know don't relate to.
   — autodefenestration-


2. I understand that the vast majority of people are not homophobic, and most straight people would never consciously treat us any different. However, I tend to keep my Orientation on a "need to know" basis. Even in tolerant loving people, general behavior towards me seems to shift into this 'awkward zone' once people find out. Its sort of like a filter; I'm no longer just [Squeeeeenis,] but [Squeeeeenis, the gay.] The difference is very subtle, but It has an effect on deep platonic relationships; especially with straight male friends. **EDIT:** I had trouble deciding on wording.
   — squeeeeenis


3. How utterly *ordinary*, mundane, and average most gay people and their lives actually are. And that a lot of us are *not* style leaders in any way shape or from. I dont like shopping (well except maybe for car parts, I could spend hours at a pick and pull lot) and I buy clothing footwear and accessories at hardware stores or somewhere like Walmart if I want to go upmarket
   — waterbogan






4. Coming out never fucking stops. Let's say you are a gay male in your mid 20's. There is a new guy at work, new guy and you get along and very quickly become friends because new guy and you have tons in common. A few weeks later, new guy talk to you about his relationship problem. You relate and talk about your boyfriend. You didn't think about telling new guy about you being gay because it's been natural for you all these years. But new guy is shocked. And the following days new guy starts avoiding you and then pretend that you never existed. This situation SUCKS. Maybe you think "Duh i hate when gay people throw sexually in our throat duhduhduh" but it's 10000X more practical to come out very quickly to potential friends even if you seems weird about it.
   — Matrozi


5. How fucking awkward it is to tell straight people you're married. When everyone involved is straight it usually goes like: "Hey Susan! This is my husband, Bob." "Nice to meet you Bob! Susan said you're an accountant." Etc. When you're gay it's more like "Hey Susan! This is my wife, Jane." "Your wife? Oh, wow. Good for you. Being so open about it." Or "Your wife? I didn't know you were that way. Well." Or "Shouldn't you say partner? It's not like you're really married."
   — undeadgorgeous


6. 1). That my entire life doesn't revolve around sex just because I prefer the same gender 2). That I'm not after every man I see just because I like men 3). That I have standards for the men I date/sleep with 4). That the role I prefer to take in sex is not reflected in every single one of my mannerisms, including how I drink water
   — Politcally_Financed






7. That coming out is 1) not a one time event and 2) just how stressful that reality can be. Sure, there's the first "big event" that involves your closest friends and family. Then there's every subsequent time. When we make a new friend. When we switch schools. When we start a new job. When we move to a new city. When we see a new doctor. When an Uber driver starts a conversation about our family. Depending on our backgrounds and the varying experiences we've encountered while coming out, we may weigh the necessity and risks of sharing that information every time it comes up. Does this person need to know? Do I even care in this instance? Will this affect my job? Is this setting safe enough? If I do think this person is fine with it, do I think there's a chance they'll accidentally tell someone who isn't? Because that genie can't be put back in the bottle. It may not seem like a big deal to someone who's never dealt with being treated differently in a way that isn't always obvious. Some examples? As a lesbian, I can tell you that even the most open minded straight woman is not immune to the assumptions, however unconscious they may be, that are made when I express interest in a friendship or ask a co-worker out to lunch. I hear straight men compare this to the perils of making female friends, but there's one important difference; I can't turn to the other half of the population to escape it, because if I approach men with those same questions about lunch dates or friendships, I have to navigate the *same* assumptions. That can get stressful sometimes. Like, really stressful. There's a reason, among the older crowd at least, that LGBT folks often form such tight communities. It's not that we don't love y'all. It's that we sometimes get tired.
   — katieames


8. You can't just go up to someone and ask them out or for their number or anything like that. And out right asking someone their orientation can backfire. Dating sucksssss.
   — we-allalilgay


9. My friends call my wife and I 'homo-normative', meaning we're pretty boring white people living in the suburbs with a typical 9 to 5. The only thing peculiar about us is we're both women. I still can not bring myself to talk about my personal life at work because the few times I have, it's made people feel uncomfortable and I get awkward side glances for just merely mentioning I have a wife. I hate it! I don't even want to put up a picture on my desk because I don't want people looking at me funny. I would love to be more open about my life with the people I work with, but it's never seemed welcome so I keep my mouth shut and everyone thinks I'm cold and impersonal :(
   — -nowseehere-






10. Think about all the mundane headaches you deal with daily: problems at work, keeping your home together, meeting your family obligations, fighting with insurance companies, yadda yadda. Now imagine that on top of all that, there's a group of people you've never met who have made it their life's work to prevent you from getting married, having kids, renting a home, working at certain jobs, and dozens of other random normal aspects of living. It's a very odd feeling. Even better, imagine telling the people in your life about these bizarre strangers who hate you, and some of them reply, "well, they have a right to their opinion" or "they're following their religious beliefs." Or seeing the president of the national chapter of the Down with You organization on CNN advocating their positions and at the end watching the anchor say, "Thanks for talking to us today about this controversial issue." And you think, "I'm sitting in my own home eating dinner. What controversy?"
    — EKeebler