What's something embarrassing you're willing to admit?

1. I audibly shit myself in a boardroom meeting once. There were about seven or eight other people in the room and it happened while my boss was speaking. He stopped talking and there were some gasps. I didn’t know what to do other than profusely apologise and go home. Next day I apologised to my boss and told him I’d been ill. I still work at the same company and it hurts every day. This was two years ago.
   — big_bad_brundlefly


2. During rec baseball when I was 7 or 8 I had to pee really bad, I even told my coach but he said I was up to bat. I should’ve struck out but I got on base and I couldn’t hold it any longer and pissed my pants on second base.
   — delirium_3


3. I distinctly remember my mom tying my shoes one time when I was 3 or 4 years old and I asked her to "tickle my pickle". I really hope she doesn't remember that..
   — modulev






4. I once sat on a red pastel crayon in middle school. I was wearing **white pants.** People called me period boy all year This was nice thank you
   — HyruleHeroLink


5. When I was like 13 I grabbed lotion out of my moms bathroom to jerk off with and it was some weird fake tan shit that turned my dick a weird tint of orange for like a whole month. That was really stupid Edit: thanks for the gold i don't know what it does but I'm eternally grateful.
   — DolphinPuckRL


6. I always used to volunteer to help out with first day registration at my middle school. All my friends gave me crap for being a teacher's pet/suck up. The real reason I did it was if you volunteered you got to pick your locker rather than having one randomly assigned. And I had a *gigantic* crush on my English teacher. So both 7th and 8th grade years of middle school I wound up with a locker directly across from his classroom so I could see him every day. And I found the most ridiculous excuses possible to have to go to my locker. I may have also sent him the world's most cringe-inducing anonymous valentine my 8th-grade year. I'm pretty sure he knew it was me but I didn't care I was completely smitten. So it was kind of like that episode of The Simpsons where Lisa gets a crush on Mr. Bergstrom. Except it wasn't charming in any way. It was awkward and terrible and a wee bit stalkerish. Not having the chance to apologize to him for being such a fucking weirdo is among my biggest regrets in life (unfortunately he died unexpectedly just after I started high school). Edit: No I didn’t kill him. I could’ve phrased that better. He had a massive heart attack while at school (thankfully NOT while he was teaching). It was unexpected because he was very vocally a vegetarian and very into running. Also whoever gilded me I’m glad you enjoyed my cringiness. :)
   — AbortRetryImplode






7. When I was 13 I wrote a pretty detailed Naruto fanfiction. That wouldn't be so embarrassing except for that fact that the details included me and a character who was 26 playing strip poker, among other things. Here's where I really fucked myself over : I THEN decided to print the story out so I could read it later and make edits. However, I decided to bring it into the bathroom to read while I took a bath and left it in there when I was done. My dad found it and read it and let's just say he was not happy with the writing content his 13 yo daughter decided to pick. Edit: I'm glad you find my ghosts gold worthy! Hopefully this didn't bring up too many painful memories for anyone.
   — ThisIsAStuckUp


8. I had the nickname blue for a while. It was short for blue light special because I got lost in a kmart when on a boy scout trip. I was like 11...
   — lonewolf210


9. About a year or so ago I was standing in line at the grocery store, waiting to pay for my small grouping of items. The man in front of me is elderly, maybe late 80s / early 90s. He has finished his transaction and is trying to get his wallet out of his pants to pay. Now, this guys clothes are about 2 sizes too big for him, so everything is kind of hanging off of him. Because of his advanced age and loose clothing, reaching into his back pocket to retrieve said wallet is proving to be extremely difficult. He seems to lack the strength / dexterity / coordination to both maintain his reach and grab the wallet from the very deep and loose back pocket of his old man pants. This goes on for, without exaggeration, for like 5 solid minutes. Picture a grocery store with lots of people trying to get dinner and whatnot, and everyone is basically on hold while this guy tries and tries to get his wallet out, to no avail. Now, here comes the horror. Old man big pants, WITHOUT A WORD TO ME, points his rear end at me and just looks into my eyes. I realize that HE WANTS ME TO GET HIS WALLET OUT FOR HIM. The realization hits me and I am frozen. There are like 10 people in line behind me all watching this happen, and who want to get home in time for Jeopardy. I start to do nothing, but then realize that this dude is genuinely looking for help. So, I reach into his back pocket to try and retrieve the wallet, as quickly as possible. This is when I realize what the problem was. The dude has Costanza wallet x 10. Its huge. And heavy. I am trying to get a grip on the thing and I cannot get it past the loose fabric of the deep pocket, and more folds of what I realize are HIS OLD MAN FLOPPY ASS FLESH. I swear I tried for like 30 seconds to get the thing, and couldnt. At this point I turn around and see the horror on some peoples faces, because to the untrained eye, I am a dude sticking his hand down a poor old mans pants. In a grocery store. In broad daylight. Its at this point that I give up and tell the guy "Sir its all good your stuff is on me" and cram my card into the machine and pay for his stuff ( like $12 bucks, NBD). He thanks me and shuffles out of the store while I pay for my stuff and slide off to my new life as a molester of the elderly.
   — WhatsUpB1tches