Parents of Reddit, what's the most elaborate lie you've ever told your children?

1. My son would always wake up with a cow lick in his hair from sleeping. I turned this into an elaborate story about a cow that would sneek into our house every night to try and lick his hair because the cow thought it was a carrot (hes a red head). Managed to convince him to sleep with a carrot for a few nights haha because I said the cow would eat that insted of his hair. Then each night either me or his dad would take a bite out of the carrot to prove the night cow had been.
   — Terriberri877


2. We told our daughter when she was 3-6 that her ears wiggle when she was lying. She walked around covering her ears up all the time. Picture a 4 yr old earnestly telling you something with their ears covered and elbows straight out. Yes, I washed my hands. Nope, that’s not my popcorn on the couch.
   — gorillaboy75


3. When I was but a young child, my father told me about the Gride. At home we used the Gride for one thing, to pick up dust piles off the ground, usually with a broom to help. I grew up and always assumed that tool was called a Gride and never learned different. It wasn’t until my sophomore year in high school that I learned the truth. I had gotten into an argument with my girlfriends mother about what a dust pan was when I was helping her clean up. I went home later and asked my dad what the deal is with this thing. He told me it always made sense to call a dust pan a gride. Because you have a groom and a bride, therefore the broom must be accompanied by the gride. Still call a dust pan a gride to this day, just makes more sense.
   — Mubly






4. My daughter dropped something heavy on her toe and killed the nail. I told her that when it came off that the toenail fairy would bring her money if she saved it and put it under her pillow. My wife was not amused, but the toenail fairy pays a lot. Later she told her kindergarten teacher that the toenail fairy came and gave her 20 bucks. Heard about that one in a parent teacher conference...
   — porcelainvacation


5. My sister would call water “ice juice” to get her kids to drink it. They hated water but loved ice juice!
   — gullibleani


6. I work at a bank, and we've got a big jar of lollipops in the back table behind the teller line. It's very clearly visible. So when parents come in with their kids, the kids will always ask for one. Here's my favorite exchange that I've seen: "Mommy, can I have a lollipop?" "No honey, they don't have them." "But they're right there." "No honey, they're not real."
   — bobby_booch






7. A friend of mines parents told her younger brother that masturbation was an ice cream flavor that only came out every few years. He believed that for years.
   — gothiclg


8. Back when my youngest son was in elementary school, they were studying astronauts and the space program. One day my son comes home all excited about the astronauts that had visited the moon. This was a time when I was still a hero on my son's eyes and I wasn't about to give that up so, I non-chalantly said, "That's nice son but, I've been to Pluto". The next day he showed me a drawing he made about his dad going to Pluto and told me he was taking it to show his teacher. I had to quickly explain it was such a great drawing that I wanted to keep it. We put it on my closet door where it hung for years. He turns 27 this year and I still have the drawing which we joke about quite often.
   — robthedeafguy


9. Without missing a beat after breaking open a nest, my wife told our 3 or 4 year-old daughter that bees won’t bother you if you’re wearing purple. They hate purple. They calmly walked away, our little one in her favorite color, without a sting. Finally told her the truth at 12.
   — fosteraa






10. I always thought turning on lights in cars was illegal. I didn't figure out it wasn't until a post on Instagram making fun of how we were all told that. I'm 23.
    — Dupragon


11. I couldn't keep clothes on my kids. As soon as we would get home they would strip and run around naked. It was funny when they were little, but they were getting too big for that shit. We have always told them that a bird would peck at their butt/privates if it ever saw them. So one day I told my kids I bought a tiny bird that was now living in this decorative bird house I had hanging. I told them they better keep their clothes on or the bird would peck them. I even changed my text notification to a bird tweet. Everytime my phone would tweet they would freak out about "hearing the bird". Kept it going for at least 6 months until they finally stopped believing me. It worked though, they don't strip anymore LoL
    — Redwineandtanlines