Redditors, who had arranged marriage, was sex awkward initially? How did you break the ice?

1. My parents had an arranged marriage. Neither of them got married because they wanted to. It was just something they were told to do. They're good Indian children and so they did. It started out as a miserable marriage. They've worked through it and have been together 30 years. It isn't my idea of a happy marriage but they're friends and respect each other. My mother is really uncomfortable with the sex or any kind of intimacy even today. I've seen her cringe at the thought of kissing my father. I sometimes feel like she almost thinks it unnatural and dirty. It's incredibly sad that both my parents have been denied this simple pleasure (for want of a better word). What's surprising is that for the longest time, she wanted an arranged marriage for me. I straight up said no.
   — Athi_thi


2. I had an arranged marriage almost a year ago, but it was a modern arranged marriage in that our parents introduced us and left us to it. We began to chat, then a few months later decided to meet. We dated for about a month before deciding we liked each other enough to marry. We were engaged for 15 months before we got married, and were totally in love by then. Sex was not awkward - in fact (don't tell our parents!), we had sex about a year before we got married, about 3-4 months into dating. It was the first time for both of us, and it wasn't awkward at all, probably because we'd been fooling around for weeks before that and were comfortable with each other. Now at almost a year, I still love him to bits, we're best friends, and we still have awesome sex 3-4 times a week.
   — apple_crumble1


3. My cousin had an arranged marriage. I need to preface this by saying that certain portions of my family live in extremely remote third world areas. Like going there is a bit like time travelling back to the 16th century. Wells for water, farm animals roaming around, outdoor toilets kind of thing. People can knock on living in conditions like that, but believe it or not many of the people living there seem perfectly content and happy with their way of life. Anyway, my cousin gets in an arranged marriage with the son of a guy who scales relatively high on the village hierarchy scale. They meet for the first time on their wedding day. I had uni exams to finish, so I couldn't make it - but I did travel to see her after I got married so that part of the family could meet my husband. She assumed my husband and I were also not intimate before we got married, because even though I'm 'modern' I'm still a 'good girl'. So husband meets the family, menfolk retire to their area of the house, me and my cuz hole up in the ladies section and she excitedly asked me what my wedding night was like. I keep it vague (looool) and she tells me about how she and husband just lay in bed talking to each other all night. It honestly sounded so sweet. She said they didn't realise the sun had risen until the housemaid knocked on their door asking if they wanted breakfast. It had never occurred to me before, but obviously the guy would be feeling just as awkward about having a girl in his bed for the first time (ever). All told it took them about three months before they, uh, buttered that sandwich, and they've been pretty happy since. Her husband for the record (according to my husband anyway - I didn't really talk to him) is apparently one of the nicest, chilliest people he's met. Super warm and welcoming. So yeah, provided they got to know each other before they did the deed I guess it wouldn't be as awkward as the average persons first time. On the flip side: aunt had an arranged marriage when she was 16 and he was 18 (this was some fifty years ago). Never saw a woman more happy then when the bastard passed away. She's pretty happy now
   — detonatingorange






4. I had a mother come to the pharmacy once about her daughter. The girl was in an arranged married and was too scared to have sex with her husband. The mother came to speak to me (pharmacist) to ask if she can get something to relax her like valium. I was shocked. The worst thing was that she didnt care that her daughter was uncomfortable. She said its the wife's role to please her husband and its embaressing for the *husband* that he isn't getting that. Unbelievable.
   — snazzicles


5. My Indian Aunt and Uncle had an arranged marriage and it was actually pretty miserable. They hated each other for years and then had 2 kids. My uncle essentially became a business mogul and was always on business trips while my aunt stayed at home with my cousins and was a big part of an Illinois Indian community within their suburban area. But when the kids grew up a bit and my uncle had a heart attack, they rediscovered each other and are pretty friendly to each other. I don't know if they have a deep love but there's a mutual respect that has kept them going for 40+ years.
   — firenoodles


6. Not awkward at all as we were engaged for a little less than a year and had built up to the moment. I was very nervous and self conscious about my body because I hadn’t been exposed to any real naked bodies before other than things you see on TV. I had been reading a lottt on [r/sex](reddit.com/r/sex) leading up to the wedding night which helped my experience become much less painful and awkward than it would have been otherwise.
   — stripedglasses






7. I know some people who have had arranged marriages, but most of them still "dated each other" prior to tying the knot, so there was time for them to at least spend time together and see how compatible they were. Are you referring to the old school arranged marriage where the husband and wife meet for just the first time?
   — stylz168


8. Arranged marriage these days looks more like online dating than the old barbaric forced marriages. A man and a woman want to get married and their parents hook them up with different choices which they get to choose.
   — utsavman


9. I worked with a couple that had an arranged marriage. She had a pretty active sex life, dude still acted like a virgin.
   — DarrenEdwards